


Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer)

by MissJanjie



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Lesbian AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:40:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25034857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissJanjie/pseuds/MissJanjie
Summary: A sequel to Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer. Brooke Lynn and Vanessa are back at NYU, but with new and improved positions. Brooke's ready to start her career as a professor when, as fate would have it, she realizes her TA, Jackie, might have the hots for a student named Jan. The couple just might see it as a sign to give two new girls the love story they found in the same place.
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Jackie Cox/Jan Sport, Nicky Doll/Jan Sport
Comments: 67
Kudos: 80





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18739057) by [MissJanjie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissJanjie/pseuds/MissJanjie). 



> You don't necessarily have to have read the original to enjoy this, but I do highly recommend it!

“Okay, are you ready?” Brooke Lynn slung her messenger bag over her shoulder and looked over as her wife came out of the bedroom with her belongings. 

Vanessa took a deep breath, pressing her lips into a fine line and offering a nod. “As I’ll ever be,” she replied as the two of them left their apartment. While the commute was longer than when they were shacked up in Brooke’s off-campus apartment, it was manageable enough for them to keep making that journey. 

Besides, when they made their way into the performing arts building, it just felt right. That was where it all began, and in a way, it had become a home away from home, many of their coworkers had become a second family for them. 

Then there was Katya, who had crossed the line between second and first families long ago. She was part of their wedding party, she pet-sat while they were on their honeymoon. Vanessa would often describe her as a ‘kooky aunt,’ and Brooke conceded that the title was rather on the nose. She beamed brightly as she ran up to the couple. “Good morning ladies, I’m here to pick up my TA,” and in a literal move, she picked up Vanessa, who let out a surprised yelp and a laugh. 

“And yet there’s still no one I’d trust more with her.” Brooke chuckled as if she were truly questioning her faith in Katya’s mentorship. She leaned over and kissed her wife’s forehead. “I expect both of you to behave.” 

“I’m gonna need you to lower your expectations, Professor Hytes-Mateo,” Katya replied as she set her new teacher’s assistant back down. “Your girl’s on the way?” 

“She is. Offered to go on a coffee run, so she’ll be here soon enough,” she confirmed. In the interim, the three of them went to Brooke’s new classroom. This semester, she would be teaching the History of Dance course, one that was required for second-year students. Her options had been either that or Improvisation, which had made the decision easy on her. 

Only a few minutes had passed before they heard footsteps coming down the hall until a woman came in, holding a drink tray that she then sat down on Brooke’s desk. “Morning, everyone,” Jackie greeted, taking her own drink from the holder and sipping from it. 

“Hey, Jackie,” Brooke smiled warmly, trying to hold her focus just long enough to slide Vanessa a couple of bills to slip into Jackie’s pocket. It was a system the two of them had stuck with to avoid the back and forth courtesy refusals and ‘but I insists.’ Brooke would affectionately refer to it as ‘reverse pickpocketing’ while Vanessa simply called it ‘efficient.’ 

Katya looked at her phone, then cleared her throat to redirect attention. “We’ll have to reconvene later, ladies. Vanjie and I need to get set up in the studio,” she said, picking her binder back up and tucking it under her arm. 

“Catch you later, boo. Good luck,” Vanessa smiled and shared a quick kiss with Brooke before following Katya out the door. 

Jackie watched them leave before looking back towards the professor. “It must be nice being able to work in the same building as your wife, huh?” she mused as she set her backpack on the side of the desk and took out a small stack of manila envelopes, all filled with varying amounts of papers. 

Brooke grinned, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear as her eyes drifted to the framed picture she kept on her desk – one from their wedding just about a year earlier. “It really is, we lucked out.” 

She nodded as she took her seat, believing the sentiment wholeheartedly. Something about the idea of finding someone and having the instant bond over a shared passion spoke to her and left her with a quiet sense of yearning. But her wandering mind had to reel back into focus when students began filing into the classroom and taking their seats. Everything was pleasantly calm as she watched seat after seat fill up. 

Then suddenly, it all changed. 

The energy in the room brightened, but no one seemed to notice but Jackie. The source of it, however, was as clear as day. It was a student with a warm, friendly disposition and soft features that Jackie just found _beautiful_. And she didn’t think she was staring until she felt someone poking her shoulder. 

Brooke Lynn was looking at her, a smirk curling up her lips that made Jackie’s face heat up. She knew that look, could spot that look a mile away. Hell, she was probably the poster child for that look, she had to take a sip of her drink just to keep herself from laughing. Instead, she sat and sipped her drink until the flow of students came to a halt. 

As Brooke began taking attendance, Jackie walked around, giving a copy of the syllabus to each student. But she looked up every time a feminine name was called, eager to put a name to the face that’d caught her eye. 

“Jan Sport?”

“Here!”

 _Ah_ , she thought. _There we go_. It was enough momentary satisfaction to get her through the rest of the task, and hopefully enough to keep her focused for the rest of the class. The last thing she wanted was to drop the ball in the first ten minutes because a pretty girl clouded her sense of rational thought. She, for the most part, decided to keep her nose in the paperwork. There wasn’t too much she needed to say yet anyway. 

“...And Jackie’s contact info is there, your best bet is to reach out to her first.”

Jackie looked up when she heard her name, offering a smile and a nod as Brooke Lynn continued talking. She did finally allow her gaze to drift back over to Jan, who had been alternating between listening attentively and whispering with the girl sitting next to her. But just as she looked over, they made eye contact, and Jackie’s heart skipped a beat. 

Jan smiled at her, oblivious to all the thoughts running through the grad student’s mind. But she did welcome the attention – Jackie was attractive and held herself professionally – two traits she definitely appreciated. When the eye contact was broken, she shifted her attention to Brooke, until her friend tapped her desk to get her attention. 

“Am I crazy, or was she checking you out?” Gigi whispered. 

“I’m leaning towards both,” she retorted with a soft chuckle. She wasn’t actually sure if Jackie was checking her out – it might have been wishful thinking. But if Gigi saw it too, she could let herself think that maybe something was happening. 

By the time class ended, everything seemed calm once more. Jan got up and she waved to Jackie as she walked past, one of those subtly flirtatious waves where each finger curls down one at a time. She wanted to linger a bit longer but decided to follow Gigi out.

When the class was back down to just Brooke Lynn and Jackie, there was a moment of silence while they both allowed themselves to process the first day of class. Then Brooke turned to Jackie with what could only adequately be described as a shit-eating grin. 

Jackie sighed, realizing it wouldn’t end until she addressed it. “Okay, what?”

“Nothing, I just love watching history repeat itself,” Brooke hummed. 

“I beg your pardon?” 

Brooke looked to her wedding picture, then back at Jackie. “Do you know how Vanjie and I met? I know you didn’t have a lot of classes together, but still.”

She furrowed her brows. “I know you guys both got your undergrads here, and that you used to be Katya’s TA, but that’s about it,” she explained, having never been much for keeping up with gossip. 

Getting the chance to retell her and Vanessa’s story made Brooke light up in a way that almost startled Jackie. “Let me set the scene for you.” She got up, standing in the empty space at the front of the classroom. “Picture me, an awkward, introverted grad student. It’s my first day as Katya’s teaching assistant. I’m there before her, before anyone, sitting on the floor and wondering, ‘what the hell is this semester gonna be like?’ Then in walks this spunky little brunette that ends up turning my whole world upside-down, yet somehow makes me feel truly alive for the very first time.” She sighed fondly. “And then I married her, the end.” 

Jackie nodded as she listened, it was a nice story, and she did like that everything worked out in the end. But then she furrowed her brows. “So… You think I’m gonna marry Jan?”

Brooke chuckled. “I’m just saying… Well, you never know what could happen.”

“I think you might be a little bit biased,” she retorted as she gathered her things. “Look, she’s very pretty and seems sweet. I’ll give you that. But I’m certainly not setting a wedding date anytime soon.” 

“If you change your mind, I have a friend that’s an ordained minister,” Brooke teased.

### 

“Not to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but I think this could mean something. She’s Brooke Lynn’s TA, and everyone knows how _that_ story went,” Gigi was saying, sounding very certain in her theory. Many students had a story where they knew someone that knew someone that saw everything that happened with Brooke Lynn and Vanessa. It wasn’t uncommon to be in on the legend.

Jan quirked her brow. “So, you think this is kismet? That when our eyes met we were bound by the fate set by our predecessors?”

“No, Shakespeare. I just think that you should pursue this.”

She huffed. “You know, just because you have a girlfriend doesn’t mean that you need to curate a story for my love life.” 

Gigi shrugged. “I don’t _have_ to do anything, but that’s not going to stop me. Jan, I haven’t seen you go on a single date since we met. If there’s a chance for you to actually connect with someone, I–”

“We haven’t even spoken!” Jan finally exclaimed. “You’re creating a narrative based off of _eye contact_ , Geege. I think we need to center back into reality a little bit.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” She put her hands up in surrender. “I just need to throw myself into something, it’s hard being in a long-distance relationship, you know.”

Jan looked at her friend as if she’d grown a second head. “Long dis– sweetie, Crystal’s going to school upstate, and not even like, _actual_ upstate, it’s literally just Westchester. You know you can drive up there whenever.”

Gigi let out a dramatic huff. “It’s not the _same_ ,” she whined, stomping her foot. But she switched back into her normal demeanor almost instantly, in a way that would’ve been jarring to someone that wasn’t her close friend. “I digress. Just keep an open mind, okay?” 

“Whatever you say, you little weirdo,” she teased lightly as they left the building, having a couple of hours before their next class, Katya’s, of course. And Jan only hoped they got there before anyone else picked up on whatever it was Gigi had noticed.

### 

“Okay, you’ve been staring at that corner for like, five minutes. It’s giving me _The Blair Witch Project_ vibes. You good?” Katya asked curiously.

Vanessa blinked, seemingly snapped out of a trance. “Hm? Yeah, I’m good. Just kinda having a moment.” She looked down, grinning broadly to herself. “That spot right there was where I first met her. She was all wound up and tense, ready to kick your ass… Prettiest fucking thing I ever seen.” 

“If you think about it,” Katya started, “none of this would’ve happened if I wasn’t late to class,” she mused. “So, you’re welcome. I expect you to name your first born after me as retribution.”

She chuckled, leaning against the desk. “You know, we been talking about having a baby or adopting… Got pros and cons to both.”

“Wow, that’s a big step. And I get it, on one hand, it makes sense to take in a kid that doesn’t have a family, but on the other, you guys have _really_ good genetics.”

“That’s what I’m saying.” Vanessa nodded. “But we ain’t rushing it or nothing,” she assured, looking up and watching as students filed into the studio. “It’s showtime,” she said to Katya before starting to pass out copies of the syllabus. 

Everything was business as usual until about a half hour into class, when Jackie tried to inconspicuously let herself into the room. She tried to silently get Vanessa’s attention, but Vanessa and subtlety were just two things that would never mesh. 

“What’s up, Jackie? C’mere!” Vanessa waved her over, leaving Jackie to awkwardly shuffle to the front. 

“Didn’t mean to interrupt, Brooke just asked me to drop off your lunch,” Jackie explained, handing her a paper bag. “Anyway, I’ll leave you guys to it.” As she started to leave, her eyes met with Jan’s yet again, but she was determined to play it cool this time. “Oh, hey Jan,” she hummed, lightly fluttering her lashes with a confident smile. 

And Jan reacted just the way she’d hoped. She giggled and twirled a lock of hair around her finger. “Hey, Jackie,” she cooed, eyes following her out the door before trying to refocus. 

“Very subtle. I’m clearly the crazy one here,” Gigi remarked, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Eat me,” she retorted through gritted teeth, without breaking her cheery demeanor.

Gigi rolled her eyes. “Seems like other people might be trying to get that job instead.” 

The bickering continued a bit longer, but they quieted down long enough to actually hear the tail end of Katya’s speech, which she finished by dismissing the class a little bit early. “Remember, you should have a list of five potential final project songs by the end of next week. Make sure you get them to Vanjie one way or another,” Katya was saying as the class began packing up and leaving. 

“So how’d you feel about your first day of classes?” Katya asked once she and Vanessa were alone in the studio again. 

“Think that went well; didn’t see anyone too much like me, so you’re gonna catch a break this time around,” she chuckled.

Katya laughed softly. “Oh Vanjie, you were a _delight_ to teach. Mostly because I could pawn you off on Brooke every time, but still.” She looked up at the sound of footsteps. “And speak of the devil.”

Brooke rolled her eyes and grinned. “You speak so highly of yourself,” she replied, going right to Vanessa’s side and wrapping her arm around her waist and kissing the side of her head. “Everything went as anticipated?” 

“All good, boo.” Vanessa hummed, leaning against her wife. “Thank you for lunch, by the way,” she added. 

“Of course,” she cooed. “Oh, did you have Jan Sport in this class?”

Katya looked down at the attendance sheet. “Yeah, why?” 

“Jackie went all heart-eyed for her, and I’m finding myself physically incapable of resisting the urge to play matchmaker. You should’ve seen it; Jan walked in the room and Jackie just couldn’t take her eyes off of her. It was really cute, like something out of a romcom,” Brooke explained.

Vanessa perked up, grabbing Brooke’s arm with both of her hands and started shaking her. “Are you kidding? We gotta match-make them! We’re throwing the torch!” 

“You make it sound kind of violent, but yes,” Brooke chuckled. “What do you think, Katya? Should we give the matchmaking thing a try?” 

Katya laughed. “What are you gonna do? Wait for a field trip and stick them in a room with one bed? I mean, it worked the first time.” 

“We can’t build a curriculum around getting two people to fuck,” Brooke pointed out.

“Not with that attitude,” Vanessa chimed in.

### 

“Geege, look!” Jan stopped dead in her tracks and grabbed her friend’s arm, reeling her back in. “They have a sign-up for winter musical auditions, and they’re doing _Heathers_!”

Gigi watched in amusement as Jan eagerly signed up. “I feel like this is your version of a wet dream.” 

“I can live with that. You gonna sign up?” 

She shook her head. “Not for me, I’d rather try to find out how I can get involved with costume design,” she told her, though she wasn’t entirely sure that Jan was listening, so she moved on. “Who are you going for?” 

“My heart says Heather Chandler, but I feel like I could really kill it as Veronica.”

“You’d steal the show as a tree in the background, so I wouldn’t worry about it. You’ll definitely get a good role,” Gigi assured. 

Just as Jan was about to reply, a newly familiar voice came up behind her. “You’re auditioning for the show?”

Jan turned around to see Jackie. “I am. Did you do any of them during your undergrad?”

Before Jackie could answer, Gigi suddenly exclaimed, “Oh, I gotta go, Crystal’s calling me,” while waving her phone around, and was gone in a flash, leaving the other two without a chance to reply. 

Jackie watched her leave for only a moment before answering Jan’s question. “Yeah, a couple. If you need any help auditioning or rehearsing or whatever, I can totally help.” Unlike any of the earlier incidents, she now seemed genuinely relaxed. There was a different energy when she was in her element, talking about the things she loved with someone that shared those interests. 

And Jan was just happy that Gigi didn’t try to lock them in a closet or something like that. “That would be great. If you’re sure you’re not too busy, of course.” 

“I can definitely make time for you,” Jackie chuckled softly, tucking her hair behind her ear and adjusting her glasses. She looked to the sign-up sheet, then back at Jan. “Auditions are on Friday, you wanna come over tomorrow?” 

Jan nodded brightly. “Tomorrow’s perfect. I’ll text you so you have my number, and we can work out the details from there.” 

“Perfect,” Jackie echoed, not referring to the time at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Jackie stood in the center of her apartment, hands on her hips, and exhaling deeply. She had spent the past few hours cleaning the place from top to bottom. Had it been a bit over the top? Perhaps, but she felt like she would be better off being too thorough than not enough. Maybe it wasn’t the _first_ impression Jan would have of her, but it was one that would count.

She checked the time on her phone – she had finished with ten minutes to spare. Regardless of anything else, she was pretty proud of what she had accomplished, and she probably could put off cleaning for a couple weeks now. Who knew all she needed was just the right bit of motivation? With the time she had left, she poured herself a glass of wine. She earned it. Beyond that, she _needed_ it. 

A few moments later, there was a knock at the door and Jackie narrowly avoided spilling what was left of her wine as she set it down on the counter and raced to open the door. “Hey Jan,” she greeted casually, as if she hadn’t nearly tripped over herself to race to the door. 

“Hi Jackie,” Jan chirped as she walked in, unaware of what had transpired, nor did she pick up on the fact that Jackie seemed slightly out of breath. “Okay,” she prompted, setting a purple folder on the table, “I’m ready for audition prep 101 with Miss Cox.”

Jackie picked up the folder, hand lingering on the counter while she decided whether or not to grab the glass as well. She settled against it, leading Jan into the living room. “So, how many songs do you have it narrowed down to?” 

“I got it down to three,” she replied, waiting for Jackie to open the folder to see the pieces of sheet music as well as a few typed up monologues. “I have a couple tried and true ones, and one that’s a little new to me, but I think it fits the vibe of the show better.” 

“Smart thinking,” Jackie praised, looking at the sheet music. “Who are you auditioning for again?” 

“I thought it over, and I’m gonna go for Veronica. It’s kind of out of my comfort zone, but that’s what excites me about it, you know? If there was ever a chance to break out of what I usually do, this would be it,” Jan explained. “So, if that narrows it down any further…”

“Oh, it only leaves one option,” Jackie said simply. “‘Everything Else’ is the only one with the right energy, the other ones are too… cute, too lighthearted.” She handed Jan the sheet music. 

Jan nodded and took the paper. “I trust you implicitly.”

“At your own risk.” Jackie chuckled. “Will you sing for me? I’d like to hear you go through your number, see if anything needs to be tweaked,” she told her, but she also just really wanted to hear her sing. Jan seemed so bright and confident, she was eager to know where that came from.

And Jan seemed more than willing to oblige. “Of course, I have the music on my phone, if you have a speaker or something that I can plug into.” 

Jackie nodded and helped Jan get set up. “I want you to run through the whole thing, that way we can pick out the best section for your sixteen bars,” she explained. She sat down on her couch, looking as Jan stood in front of her, the student taking a few preparatory breaths. 

And then Jan started singing, and everything made sense for Jackie - why Jan was in this program, why she exuded such a positive confidence. Her voice was immaculate, it captivated Jackie’s attention even more than their first meeting. And she must have shown her approval, because Jan seemed excited by her expression once she’d finished the song. 

“So that was good?” Jan asked, eyes bright and hopeful. 

“Perfect, are you sure you even need my help?” Jackie teased. “Here, I’m gonna highlight the bars on the sheet music,” she said, standing up and motioning her over to the dining room table. 

Jan moved to stand right behind Jackie, perched up on her tiptoes to rest her chin on her shoulder, hand resting on her waist. “I’m excited about this. I wish you could be in the room or something, like a good luck charm.” 

Jackie let out a soft chuckle. “You think I’m a good luck charm?”

She shrugged and smiled. “I dunno, I feel a good energy with you. Like, your presence is warm and calming. It’s a good balance, considering _my_ default is the same as a person that took half a bottle of caffeine pills.”

That brought a slight blush to Jackie’s cheeks. She turned, giving her a hug, one she wanted more than she would ever let on. “Well, that’s very kind of you to say.” 

“You smell nice,” Jan observed before Jackie pulled back from the hug. 

“Oh, thank you.” Jackie grinned, doing her damndest not to get flustered. “Um, do you want something to drink? I was having a glass of wine myself,” she said, already walking over to her glass. 

“I’m not twenty-one, but I won’t tell if you won’t,” she hummed. 

Jackie chuckled, pouring Jan a glass as well. “I’m from Canada; it’s eighteen there, so we can play by my rules.” She winked. 

Jan’s brow rose as she accepted the glass. “Oh, so you’re the boss here?” she asked as she took a sip.

“This _is_ my house,” she pointed out with a light laugh. “Ergo, my rules.” 

“Oh, we’re using our fancy adverbs now. Point taken,” Jan teased, then held her glass up. “Cheers!”

Jackie grinned, clinking their glasses and taking a sip. And for a moment, everything was calm and relaxed, but then there was a sudden, loud crack of thunder that made them both jump. They both looked out the window and saw that rain was pouring down as if it were a storm of biblical proportions. 

“Shit, it’s really coming down hard out there,” Jan observed. “Wasn’t even raining when I got here.” 

“I can’t let you go back out there,” Jackie shook her head. “You can stay here at least until the rain lets up, I don’t mind if you crash here if it doesn’t,” she offered. 

Jan let out a small sigh of relief. “Yeah, if you don’t mind, of course,” she replied, as if she hadn’t been hoping for the offer. “It’ll be fun, we can get wine drunk and watch bad reality TV.” 

Jackie started to open her mouth to agree, then paused. “Have you eaten yet? You should definitely have some dinner if you’re going to keep drinking,” she said, setting her glass down so she could go and rifle through her fridge. “I have leftover sushi if you want, or I can make sandwiches or something.” 

Something about the naturally kind and doting demeanor Jackie had instantly put Jan at ease. It made her feel warm and comfortable, like they had known each other for years without the awkward pretenses that sometimes came with meeting someone new. “Whatever’s easier. I’m not a picky eater.” She shrugged. 

While Jackie decided on the sushi and got that out, Jan was pouring herself another glass of wine, and topped Jackie’s glass off as well. “Thank you,” she hummed when Jackie handed her the plate, setting it on the table and sitting down to eat. “Y’know, everyone always says that sushi never tastes as good on the second day, but like, they’re just snobs. It’s totally just as good. Or maybe my standards are low, whatever.” 

Jackie giggled softly as she listened. She didn’t know if it was the alcohol that made Jan ramble like that, or if that was just part of her personality. Either way, she thought it was adorable, and sat next to her as she hung onto her every word. “I think leftovers are underrated as a whole,” she agreed. 

“You _get_ me.” Jan beamed, one hand over her heart and the other on Jackie’s shoulder.

She bit down on her lip, not knowing how loud the laugh that nearly escaped would’ve been, and put her hand on top of Jan’s. “I try,” she cooed, then stood up. “Come on, let’s go watch TV,” she said and moved them to the couch, then topped off their glasses. 

Jan sat down next to Jackie, as close as she could physically be without sitting on her lap. In her defense, this was always how she’d get after a couple of drinks – touchy-feely, flirty, and yes, even more talkative than normal, as demonstrated by the tangent she went off on about the show they were watching. 

And Jackie wasn’t exactly complaining – especially about the touchy-feely part. The alcohol was affecting her as well; the part of her brain that was constantly plagued with overthinking and worry was always the first to go once she started to get tipsy, and neither of them had stopped drinking as they continued half-watching TV. 

“God, you’re so pretty,” she said, not realizing it was out loud. 

Not that it would’ve been a problem, as Jan just seemed to appreciate the compliment. “Aw, thank you! I think you’re super pretty too.” 

“Do you really?” 

Jan scoffed. “Of _course_ I do. I thought you were hot since I first saw you,” she said, tossing her ponytail off her shoulder as she picked her glass back up. 

“This is news to me,” Jackie admitted as she had more to drink as well. 

“That’s why I’m telling you, duh,” she giggled, then turned to better face her. “Your hair is so nice and thick and shiny,” she observed, immediately going to play with it, running her hands through it and twirling pieces around her fingers. 

Jackie let out a content sigh as Jan’s fingers wove through her hair. “Careful,” she warned, “this is practically foreplay for me.” 

Jan smirked, her arms draping around Jackie’s neck. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

Maybe it was the alcohol, but neither of them would’ve been able to say who initiated the kiss, just that one second they weren’t kissing, and the next second they were. They could still taste the wine one each other’s lips as they let the deep, languid kiss continue.

Jackie pulled Jan onto her lap, arms wrapping around her waist. She trailed her lips along Jan’s jaw and down her neck, starting by just kissing and nipping along the expanse of skin before leaving a mark just where her neck met her collarbone. Her hands moved up and down Jan’s body, starting to push up her shirt. 

Jan was a bit more direct, swiftly undoing the buttons on Jackie’s blouse and slipping it off her shoulders. Their lips reconnected in another heated kiss, and she gripped Jackie’s hair with one hand while the other pushed her bra up and palmed over her breast.

That gave Jackie enough reason to follow her lead, pulling Jan’s shirt off and pulling her close, their bodies flush up against each other. She unhooked her bra soon after, tossing it aside and letting her hands explore Jan’s bare torso. 

The way Jackie’s hands felt against her body sent goosebumps all over Jan’s skin. Jackie’s hands were smooth and warm and made her arch into each touch. She started to grind against Jackie as well, straddling her thigh to better do so. 

Jackie was fairly certain that she had never seen anything hotter than Jan grinding on her thigh, or heard anything hotter than the little whimpers and whines she let out. It landed on top of Jan’s sheet music, pushing a couple pages onto the floor, but neither of them noticed in the slightest. 

Any sense of control or inhibition that Jan had entered Jackie’s apartment with had long since gone out the window. She tossed her head back, letting out sharp, breathy moans as she continued to grind on Jackie’s thigh with more and more fervor and desire. 

Jackie caressed Jan’s body, hands moving up and down her sides, memorizing every curve with her fingertips. She pressed open-mouthed kisses between her breasts, down to her stomach as far as she could reach, eyes flicking up to watch the expression of relaxed pleasure on Jan’s face. 

“Oh fuck, fuck,” Jan’s voice was higher, more strained, and it wasn’t long before she realized she was chasing the orgasm that was rapidly approaching. Her hips were bucking more erratically and she was grabbing onto Jackie wherever she could. 

“That’s it, come for me,” Jackie cooed, kissing and sucking at Jan’s neck as she held her through her orgasm. And once she felt Jan let herself go limp in her arms, she scooped her up and carried her into bed. 

They laid in bed quietly, nothing but the sounds of thunder and rain hammering against the windows to be heard. It was calm, but with the distant tinge of anxiety because neither of them knew what to say. What was there _to_ say after that?

Jackie turned to face Jan, hoping the words would come to her. But to her relief, Jan had passed out. And Jackie had to admit, she looked just as beautiful asleep.

### 

Jan was the first to wake up the next morning, groggy and disoriented, but not quite hungover. She wasn’t sure how she should feel about waking up topless in Jackie’s bed – guilty? Confused? Stressed? It wasn’t that she regretted it, but she was afraid that it would complicate what was supposed to be a friendship at most. 

Time was ticking away before Jackie would wake up, and Jan needed to decide what she wanted to do, and quickly. She pushed herself out of bed and went into the other room to get dressed. As she went back into the bedroom, she noticed that Jackie had personalized stationary on her desk (because of course she did). Jan decided that leaving a note and bailing was the best option - it was more personal than a text and she was still able to avoid confrontation. 

_Hi Jackie!_

_Sorry to run out on you like this, I had to get somewhere in a rush. But I had a great time with you last night, and I’ll see you in class on Monday. :)_

_Jan ♥_

Jan wondered if the heart was too much, but decided it would be worse to erase it, so she left it on Jackie’s nightstand and quietly left. And she kept her fast pace, making it back to her dorm in record time. The second she got back to her dorm, she flopped onto her bed and screamed into her pillow. 

“Rough night?” Lemon asked as she casually looked over at her disheveled and distressed roommate. “Not like you to spend it elsewhere.”

“Got caught in the storm, stayed with a friend,” she mumbled as she sat up.

Lemon arched her brow. “You get hickies from your friends often?”

Jan’s eyes widened as she turned to look in the mirror. Sure enough, there were multiple visible bruises littering her neck. “Oh, fuck me.” 

“Looks like someone already did.”

“We didn’t have sex!” she insisted, unable to keep the defensiveness out of her voice. “I mean, even by lesbian standards, it wasn’t sex. We weren’t even naked.”

Lemon continued to look at Jan as if she were insisting the Earth was flat. “First of all, as a lesbian, I have no fucking idea what ‘lesbian standards’ are and I don’t want to know. Second, Even if it wasn’t ‘technically’ sex, it was enough to get you all worked up like this.” 

Jan groaned and laid on her back. “It just shouldn’t have happened… It was my TA, Lem.” 

“Damn, you gonna get some extra credit at least?” 

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know why I tell you things,” she murmured, reaching for her phone. She knew telling Gigi wouldn’t be any easier, but it wasn’t exactly something she would be able to keep as a secret. 

And when Jan did meet up with Gigi, she wasn’t dreading the confession any less. They sat in a booth at a nearby diner, placing a brunch order before she decided she needed to just rip the bandage off. “I spent the night with Jackie.” 

Gigi nearly spit her coffee out at that. “You did? Why? What happened? Don’t you skip any fucking details, Sport.” 

Jan chewed on her lip. “The storm was really bad, so we decided I’d just stay there. Then we had some wine… well, a lot of wine. And we… We didn’t fuck, per sé, but things got very heated.”

“That would explain why you’re wearing a scarf in seventy degree weather.” she nodded as if she were making an astute observation. “So what happened when you guys woke up?”

Jan’s gaze drifted down to the table. “I woke up before she did, left her a note and went back to my dorm while she was asleep.” 

Gigi looked at her friend like she was ready to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. But instead she just asked, “Are you fucking stupid?” 

To which Jan shrugged and replied, “Maybe.” There was a brief pause as they received their meals. “But can you be specific as to why, though?”

“This was literally a sign that you guys have a connection, at least a physical one. The least you could’ve done is talk to her, how’s she going to take it as anything other than you not being interested, and don’t you try and act like you’re not.” 

“I’m not _not_ interested,” Jan conceded. “I just… It shouldn’t have happened like this, you know? I went over there to practice for my audition, not to dry hump her fucking thigh.” 

Gigi did her best to listen and be the supportive friend that Jan clearly needed. “Look, you can’t un-fuck up how you handled that,” she started. “We just need to figure out where to go from here.” 

Jan nodded in agreement as she picked at her food. Where _did_ she go from here? Her heart said back to Jackie, but her brain said into a coma, ideally.


	3. Chapter 3

Brooke Lynn furrowed her brows and strummed her fingers against the table. “So, let me see if I’ve got this right – you invited Jan over to practice for her audition, got wine drunk, then dry-humped until she got off?” 

Jackie nodded in confirmation, her eyes fixated more on her coffee cup than Brooke – she had to build back up to being able to make eye-contact. “Then in the morning she was gone and she left me a note,” she finished, holding the piece of paper up. “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

“It wasn’t your smartest move,” she told her, trying not to laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all. “But if she just left like that, she’s probably just as scared as you are. Listen, the first day I met Vanessa was a mess. I walked her home from work that night, kissed her, and then literally _ran_ away. She still makes fun of me for it.”

The story made Jackie laugh, but it caught her by surprise as well. She had always seen Brooke as someone so unshakably confident. “I guess if things worked out for you guys, all hope isn’t totally lost…” She took another sip from her drink and sighed. “I still don’t know how I’m going to face her in class on Monday,” she admitted.

Brooke reached across the table and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Just focus on your work. I promise I’ll find something to keep you busy, okay?” As much as she wanted to continue her matchmaking game, she could see that the tension needed to diffuse before she tried to push them closer. Just because Katya lucked out didn’t mean lightning would strike twice. 

Jackie’s entire body relaxed in relief. She was still anxious about seeing Jan again, but it meant a lot to know that Brooke was looking out for her. “Okay. Yes, thank you. I can work with that.” She nodded, then checked her phone. “I have to get going, though. I’ll talk to you later,” she said as she gathered her things, including the note that she tucked into her pocket. 

Brooke smiled and waved her off. She stayed put, though. She was expecting Vanessa any minute now. They liked meeting here when they could, after all, it was the café A’keria recently became the owner of, the same one she’d started working in after the Starbucks fiasco all those years ago. It was sentimental to them now. 

“Hey boo,” Vanessa greeted as she walked in, leaning over and giving her wife a kiss before sitting down. “Must’ve just missed Jackie, how’s she doing?” 

“The poor girl is going through it,” Brooke shook her head sympathetically. “She and Jan got drunk and fooled around, and Jan left before she woke up. She left a Post-It or something.”

Vanessa frowned and shook her head. “Mh-mm, I hate Post-Its. If you’re gonna dip, send a text like a normal person,” she mused. 

“Maybe she thought a handwritten note would be more meaningful,” she reasoned. “Regardless, she’s just gonna need some time to recover before we continue with any matchmaking shenanigans.”

Vanessa gave a firm nod of agreement. “Understood.” She sat quietly for a moment, strumming her fingernails against the table. “I wanna talk about the baby thing.”

Brooke blinked in surprise at the abrupt subject change but leaned in to listen attentively nonetheless. “Of course, what’s on your mind?”

“Listen… I know we got good genes and all, but I don’t wanna create a baby in a lab when there are so many kids that need a family. I had friends in foster care when I was little, you know? That shit must’ve really sucked for them. And I just think… You and me are in a position to really help a kid out,” she told her, then held her breath as she waited for her wife’s response. 

Brooke reached across the table and held Vanessa’s hands. “Baby girl, if that’s what you want, I am a hundred percent on board. I think that’s a wonderful motivation to adopt. We can start looking at agencies as soon or as late as you want. I’m in this with you all the way,” her thumb stroked over Vanessa’s wedding band. “That’s what I promised you. That’s the promise I make to you every day as your wife.”

Vanessa blinked and looked down. “Shit, you gonna make me cry,” she mumbled, giving Brooke’s hand a light squeeze to reassure her she was okay. “Guess we gotta think about redecorating the guest room then, huh?” 

“You know my weakness for interior design,” she cooed, pressing a kiss to the back of Vanessa’s hand.

### 

By the time Monday rolled around, Jackie had talked herself out of most of her anxiety. When the time was right, she thought, she could talk things out with Jan. But until then, she had a job to do, a job that she _did_ like. 

Jackie’s main task was to write a lot of information on the chalkboard. It was perfect as far as she was concerned – having her back to the class meant she didn’t have to worry about making awkward eye contact with Jan. She had to admit, it was kind of a genius move on Brooke’s part. 

Jan, however, was left with a predicament of her own. She and Gigi had sat in the front because even with contacts or glasses, they were both nearsighted as all hell. However, this put Jackie right in her line of sight, and she immediately began regretting her decision. 

While the dress Jackie wore came down to her knees, the fabric clung to her body in a way that accentuated some of her best physical features. 

And Jan hadn’t meant to stare – staring was rude and her mother taught her better. But she would be damned if Jackie’s ass wasn’t hypnotizing her. She couldn’t help but wonder how she hadn’t noticed before.

“You’re gonna snap your pen in half with the way you’re biting it,” Gigi poked Jan’s shoulder, snapping her friend out of her trance. “Also, some subtlety really wouldn’t hurt you right now.” 

Jan blushed, looking down at her notes, which were nowhere near as detailed as usual. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Gigi chuckled. “Please, your eyes were about to burn a hole into her butt.”

“They were not, I was just reading the board,” she insisted, but now that she had to actively avoid staring, her body seemed all the more compelled to continue. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, trying to get her mind and body on the same page.

“Hey, you have good taste, I’m just saying be less obvious about it.” 

Jan just buried her face in her notes, hoping that if she focused on getting work done, her mind would stop conjuring images of Jackie in various states of undress. 

“...And that’ll just about do it,” Brooke Lynn was saying. “You guys are free to go, see you Wednesday.” She closed her book, punctuating the dismissal. Her eyes followed the students out of the room, waiting until they were alone before speaking to Jackie. “How are you feeling?” 

Jackie exhaled deeply, dropping herself down onto the desk closest to Brooke’s as if she were dead weight. “I feel okay. I think not having to look at her made it easy. Have you seen her eyes? They’re so warm and brown and–”

“–And couldn’t stay off of you,” Brooke finished with a smirk. “Jackie, she is _hot_ for you, you should’ve seen how she was staring at you. I already knew you have a great ass, but damn, it had a magnetic pull on that poor girl.” 

Jackie turned a shade of red deeper and brighter than it had ever been. She suddenly became hyper-aware of her body, not necessarily in a self-conscious way – in fact, part of her was flattered – but it was overwhelming to process at first. “I guess she might not regret the other night _that_ much then,” she managed with a strangled laugh. 

“Honey, it’s pretty clear she wants a repeat performance. I wasn’t even paying all that much attention to her, but I swear I almost offered her a towel,” she chuckled. 

Even though Jan was long gone, Jackie looked out of the classroom and into the hall, as if she could still catch sight of her. “I never thought I’d be relieved to be objectified,” she mused. 

Brooke let out a light laugh at that. “So you’ll go talk to her?” 

She shook her head as her gaze drifted back to the desk. “Not yet. Soon… Hopefully soon. I think I’ll know when I’m ready.”

### 

“Well, other than you ogling the TA you fooled around with, I think today went well,” Gigi said as they walked back to the residence hall. “You ready for your audition later?” 

“I wasn’t _ogling_ her.” Jan chewed on her lip. “Don’t laugh, but…” She shifted awkwardly as she looked anywhere but directly at her friend. “I’m worried I might be too… distracted to nail it.” 

Gigi looked at her friend with an arched brow. “First of all, yes you were. We established this. Second, you think you’ll be too horny to focus on singing?” She really did try her best not to laugh, but a small giggle slipped through. “Babe, just masturbate like a normal person before you go.” 

She huffed. “Don’t you think I’ve thought of that? Lem’s probably gonna be in there, what am I supposed to do, tell her to leave so I can jerk off? We’re close, Geege, but I think there’s a line.” 

“Then go in the shower. Jesus, do I have to spell it out for you?” Gigi rolled her eyes. 

“You don’t think it’s weird to get off thinking about someone you’re not dating?” Jan asked quietly. 

Her friend pinched the bridge of her nose. “At this point I just think you need to do it so you stop sounding so neurotic and paranoid. Hell, if I wasn’t in a committed relationship, I’d offer to help you out myself.”

Jan cocked her head to the side. “Thanks, I think.”

When Jan did get back to the dorm, she saw Lemon on her bed with her AirPods in, just as she’d anticipated. She waved at her to get her attention, waiting for her to take one of them out. “Hey sweetie, I’m just gonna shower before my audition. You know, get nice and calm,” she told her.

Lemon smiled and nodded. “Oh shit, I forgot that was today. Break a leg! But like, not in the shower. That would be bad.”

Jan chuckled as she grabbed what she needed to bring into the bathroom. “I don’t know where I’d be without your wisdom, doll,” she winked playfully before leaving. 

The first thing Jan did once she got in the shower was put music on – this wasn’t her first rodeo, so to speak. Even with earbuds in, she knew she ran the risk of Lemon hearing her moan if she didn’t drown it out. With the music playing and water running, Jan undressed and stepped into the shower, letting out a sigh of relief the second the hot water hit her body. 

After she washed her hair, Jan leaned against the shower wall, resting her head against the cool tile. She let her hand travel down her body. There was a moment of hesitation when her fingers grazed over her pussy, but after a deep breath, she began rubbing her clit with two fingers. Her eyes fluttered shut as soft, breathy moans slipped out. 

“Fuck…” Jan wasn’t thinking about anything at first, but without even trying, her thoughts drifted to Jackie, to what happened the other night, to that day in class. And once she got started, there was no chance of stopping. “Oh, Jackie…” she moaned, rocking against her fingers. Her free hand went to her breast, groping it, and tweaking her nipple. 

By the time her orgasm hit, Jan needed to rest her entire weight against the wall to keep herself up. Her legs were shaking and she was whimpering, taking deep breaths as she finally felt sturdy enough to stand back upright. After that, she just did a quick wash off her face and body before getting out and drying off, going back into the bedroom wrapped up in her robe shortly after. 

“Hey, feeling any better?” Lemon asked casually. It was clear she hadn’t moved an inch this whole time, nor was she aware of what Jan had gotten up to. 

“Much better, actually,” Jan nodded, taking the towel wrap off of her head and combing her hair out. “What’s your plan for the rest of the day?” she asked as she continued getting ready.

Lemon paused her music and took out her earbuds, she had been waiting for an opportunity to talk about herself. “Actually, I’m meeting up with a girl later.” She didn’t wait for Jan to ask before she continued. “Okay, so, like, I had just lit a joint and I see this really pretty girl – tall, you know how I like ‘em – and she seems hella stressed, so I offer her a hit. So, we’re smoking and chatting and long story short, we have a date tonight.”

“That was the short version?” Jan teased as she got dressed. “I’m guessing it'll be more of the same?”

She scoffed. “No… We’ll probably fuck too.”

Jan laughed softly as she straightened her hair, then pulled it up into a high ponytail. “Well, it’s always nice to have an itinerary,” she hummed. “I’ll see you later.”

### 

“Next!”

Jan stepped onto the stage and held herself with confidence. She introduced herself, handed the sheet music to the pianist, and then she simply did what she did best; she sang. She gave it her all, emoting all the right words, belting all the right notes. There was a lingering rush of adrenaline when she finished. “Thank you,” she smiled politely and made her way off stage. 

“Great job up there,” a distinct voice out of seemingly nowhere caused Jan to jump, startled.

“Oh, thanks Vanjie,” Jan smiled, running her fingers through her ponytail. “I didn’t realize anyone other than the directors were watching.”

Vanessa shrugged. “People gave up tryna tell me what to do a long time ago. Except for Brooke, but there’s always an exception for the wife. But anyway… you feelin’ okay? I don’t know all the details, but I know you had a rough weekend.”

Of course, Jan figured Vanessa knew more than she let on – she could safely assume Jackie told Brooke, and Brooke told Vanessa. But she hoped some details had gotten lost in translation. “Oh, yeah, I guess,” she bounced awkwardly on the balls of her feet. “Things are a little weird, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” 

“Listen, I’ve been in your shoes. The worst thing you can do is overthink it. Brooke did it, Jackie does it, and I get the vibe you do too. Not everything’s as deep as y’all make it out to be, you know?”

Jan chewed her lip and nodded. Sure, she knew Vanessa was right, but it was easier said than done. It wasn’t something she could simply stop doing, something she could just turn on and off at will. “The situation’s just… It’s complicated. But I get what you’re saying, I do,” she assured. “All I wanna focus on now is being able to sleep tonight so I can be ready to see if I got a callback tomorrow.” 

Vanessa gave Jan’s arm a gentle, reassuring squeeze. “You got this. Ain’t no one around you doubting that.” 

And Jan tried her best to take that to heart, she tried to stay positive the rest of the night, to turn her brain off when it was finally time to sleep. She was pretty sure she passed out at nearly three in the morning, but as soon as her alarm went off, she shot right out of bed. 

Lemon rolled onto her side, watching Jan scramble to get ready with energy from god knows where. “How the fuck do you do that?” she mumbled groggily. 

Jan shrugged as she brushed her hair. “It’s a blessing and a curse, Lem.” She checked her phone. “The callback list should be up by the time I get there,” she murmured, offering a quick goodbye to her roommate before she was out the door. 

By the time she got to the auditorium, there was already a small group of hopeful actors forming outside the doors. And as soon as the list went up, they all crowded around it. 

Too impatient to wait, Jan made her way to the front, offering haphazard apologies to everyone she bumped out of the way. It was worth it for the happiness and relief she felt when she saw that she was on the callback list for Veronica.

The first thing she did was call Gigi and did her best to not scream into the phone. “I got a callback! And there were only two other girls listed for Veronica, Geege, I’m _this_ close to getting it. I can taste it.”

“That’s my girl, I knew you’d crush it,” Gigi replied. “You’re gonna nail the callback too, and don’t be afraid to take my advice again if you need it.”

Jan furrowed her brows. “How did you know I followed your advice?” 

Gigi had a smug grin that Jan swore she could feel through the phone. “I didn’t.”


	4. Chapter 4

“I feel like I should at least pretend to be surprised. I don’t wanna come off as arrogant, you know?” Jan mused as she and Gigi walked back from the auditorium. She’d gone in just to pick up her script after securing her spot in the musical as Veronica, something she felt this whole week was leading up to. Something that made all of the chaos more bearable. “But this just… it feels right, right?”

Gigi chuckled softly and nodded. “Yeah, we all knew you had this in the bag. But I like the confidence you have, I’m proud of you, and you totally deserve this.”

Jan wrapped her arm around Gigi, hugging her from the side. “Thanks, I still needed to hear that,” she admitted. They continued walking in silence before she hesitantly told her, “I wanna tell Jackie. Despite what happened, she did help me a lot when it came to preparing for the audition.” 

Gigi’s eyes lit up and she nodded enthusiastically. “Are you kidding? This is the perfect excuse to go talk to her! Even if things are weird, I’m sure she does actually want to know if you got the role. And if all goes well, you could always… thank her for her help,” she winked. 

“Do you have any ideas about anything that doesn’t involve sex?” she asked. 

“Hm… No, not really. Where’s the fun in that?” 

Jan shook her head, she couldn’t have really expected anything else. But with Gigi, in its own weird way, it was almost endearing. “I appreciate the effort,” she told her with a wry grin. While she wasn’t exactly planning on following Gigi’s advice, she knew she was going to have to pluck up the courage to reach out to Jackie – she wanted to be the first to tell her about the role. 

So, she texted her. Nothing dramatic, simply ‘ _I have good news, can we talk about it over coffee?_ ’ and she sent it quickly before she could overanalyze and rewrite it. Though she was holding her breath until she received a text back, reading ‘ _sure, can be there in ten :)_ ’.

By the time Jan made it to the coffee shop, she had managed to talk herself out of her nerves. She had to remind herself that before anything else, Jackie is a teacher, she knew how to be professional. And she could be professional too. They could have a professional friendship. As long as she didn’t look her right in the eye. 

Jackie was notoriously early to everything – something Jan had only learned through passive gossip – so she wasn’t terribly surprised to see her sitting and waiting at a table with her coffee in hand. “Hey,” she greeted with a smile as she sat down and took a sip of her own drink. 

“Hey you,” Jackie hummed. “So, what’s the big news?” she asked, trying not to give away that she strongly suspected the answer. 

Either Jan didn’t notice or didn’t let it dampen her enthusiasm if she did. “I got the role! I’m gonna be Veronica,” she announced with a bright smile. 

Jackie set her cup down and clasped her hands together. “Oh my god, that’s great!” She reached out, hand gently grasping Jan’s wrist. “I’m so happy for you, I knew you could do it.”

Jan smiled warmly. She missed the feeling of Jackie’s hand on her, even in a manner as simple as that. Even though she’d only experienced it briefly and drunkenly before, it felt comforting and familiar. “I definitely have you to thank in part for that. Who knows how hard I could’ve flopped if I picked the wrong song,” she mused.

“I don’t think it would’ve been possible for you to flop,” she retorted. “I think you could’ve sung the dictionary and they still would’ve given you the part.”

“Still, I’m glad I went to see you,” Jan finally got herself to make eye contact with Jackie. If nothing else, she wanted to convey that she was glad every part of that night happened, that she didn’t have any regrets, that the only thing she would’ve changed is running away in the morning. She doubted all of that would come across, but if she was lucky, the important parts would. 

And Jackie seemed to at least try to understand what Jan meant. She smiled, she nodded, she rubbed her hand up and down Jan’s arm. “I’m glad you went to see me too,” she told her, voice holding just as many layers of emotion.

Jan smiled, biting down on her lip. “So, if I ever need someone to rehearse with…”

Jackie arched her brow. “Just rehearse?”

Blushing, she looked down. “Well, we’ll see where it goes, won’t we?” She strummed her fingers against the table as she took a long sip. “Maybe tonight?”

“Yeah,” Jackie breathed out, “I can do tonight.”

### 

Going to see Jackie this time felt different. Jan was going in knowing the strong possibility of them having sex, and it took away a lot of pressure. It got rid of the fear of the unknown that had followed them ever since the morning after. She texted Jackie that she was in front of her apartment, then bounced on the balls of her feet as she waited. 

“Hey,” Jackie greeted warmly as she ushered Jan inside. She looked her over curiously. “Whose letterman jacket is that?” 

Jan looked over at her with a grin. “Mine,” she chirped. “I played soccer in high school. I kinda wanted to get into the mood of playing a high schooler. I was gonna get my old catholic school uniform, but…”

Jackie pouted playfully. “Don’t tease me like that,” she whined. “What, didn’t wanna take a ride out to Jersey?” 

“Exactly!” 

She chuckled softly. “Fair enough. You want anything to drink? Have you eaten?” 

“I did,” Jan assures. “I’ll just take a water bottle or something if you’ve got one.” 

Jackie nodded and fished one out of the fridge. “Heads up!” She tossed the bottle towards Jan, who was ready to catch it, but she had botched the throw terribly and it landed at the foot of the couch instead. 

Jan giggled and picked it up. “Good effort!” 

“Don’t patronize me, I have astigmatism,” she retorted with a dry laugh, grabbing a water bottle for herself. She didn’t want to say it out loud – lest she make Jan feel bad – but she was relieved that they had both decided not to drink. They needed time together with clear minds. And if something did happen, she wanted to remember every second of it. 

“Were you in any clubs in high school?” Jan asked, deciding to change the subject. 

“Other than theatre? I did student council, that was pretty fun, even though I know that’s about the nerdiest thing I could say.” 

The younger student shrugged. “Hey, it helped get you here, so that’s all that really matters, right?”

Jackie tilted her head in thought for a moment. “Huh, yeah, I guess you’re right,” she decided, taking a swig of water. “Anyway, do you want to start with your lines or songs?” 

“I feel like the songs take up a lot more of the show, that should probably take precedent,” Jan mused. 

“Alright, which do you wanna start with?” 

She hesitated. “There’s one I’m still nervous about getting right, don’t laugh…” 

Jackie furrowed her brows but gestured for Jan to continue. 

“ _Dead Girl Walking_ ,” Jan admitted. “I just… I don't know how to be sexy and lustful on stage, and it’s such a passionate song… I don’t know, I just haven’t worked through that awkwardness yet, and I can feel it coming out when I practice,” she explained, then noticed the way Jackie was looking at her. “Don’t give me that face, it’s different when it’s in front of an audience and specifically choreographed.” 

She chuckled softly, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Sorry, sorry. I’m just struggling trying to conjure up the mental image of you not being able to do sexy.” In fact, the only mental image she _could_ conjure up was the one of Jan half-naked, grinding on her thigh. But she did want to help and pressed her lips together as she tried to think of a plan. “Why don’t you just try singing it through first? Close your eyes and picture what you want to be able to do.” 

Jan nodded, taking her phone out to get the music going. “Okay, yeah, I think that’ll work,” she decided. She pressed play on the instrumental-only music and set her phone down before closing her eyes and starting to sing. 

Jackie nodded as she listened, waiting for the lines that would lead to her supplying the dialogue. 

“ _Before they punch my clock  
I'm snappin' off your window lock  
Got no time to knock  
I'm a dead girl walking_”

“Veronica? What are you doing in my room?” Jackie’s eyes were trained on Jan as she spoke. She noticed Jan’s posture seemed to relax like she took comfort and reassurance in her voice. 

“Shh…” Jan was delivering the line, but also calming herself down with an exhaled breath. 

“ _Sorry, but I really had to wake you  
See, I decided I must ride you till I break you…_”

As Jan continued to sing, Jackie slowly, quietly got up and walked up behind her. She slipped off the letterman jacket and tossed it aside, then rested her hands on Jan’s hips, pressing kisses against the back of her neck. 

Jan shuddered softly but didn’t break focus. She picked up on what Jackie was trying to do right away, and she thought it was a true testament to Jackie’s quick-thinking brilliance. 

“ _Come on! Tonight I'm yours  
I'm your dead girl walkin'..._”

Jackie leaned forward a bit, picking just the right spot to bite down and leave a hickey. It was clear what she was trying to communicate – ‘that’s right, you’re mine, keep singing for me’. But as the tone of the song became gentle, so did her touches. She raked her fingers through Jan’s hair, releasing it from the ponytail it was in, while her opposite arm wrapped securely around her waist. She knew to keep it nice and calm until her next cue. 

“ _Let's make this beautiful!_ ”

Jackie smirked and spun Jan around to face her. “That works for me.” She knew how the choreography for the number went and eased right into it – she pulled Jan into a kiss and held her close as she backed onto the couch, falling onto it with Jan straddling her lap. 

Jan finally opened her eyes when her next singing cue hit. The passion she had failed to capture in her words came out in full force now. They hit every physical cue – she lightly slapped Jackie’s cheek, Jackie pulled her hair and pulled her shirt open, then moved her hands up Jan’s torso and to her breasts. 

They rolled their hips together in time with the beat, punctuating every ‘yeah’, and Jackie swore the arousal she saw on Jan’s face was real by the time the music faded out. 

And Jan was breathless, her face flushed red. She was searching for words, but there just didn’t seem like there was a good way to ease out of this quasi-performance mode. 

“I think you’ll be able to do it now,” Jackie mused, her arms looped casually around Jan’s waist. “I knew you had it in you.” 

“Is that the only thing I’m getting in me tonight?” Jan asked with a wink, twirling her hair around her finger.

Jackie gasped, putting her hand to her chest as if she were clutching pearls. “Janice Sport, you are _naughty_ ,” she chastised, her tone intentionally overdramatic.

“Then you should punish me,” she answered without missing a beat. 

Instead of verbally answering, Jackie just scooped Jan up in her arms and carried her into the bedroom. She pushed Jan’s unbuttoned shirt off her shoulders and laid her down on the bed. “Now that you mention it, I think that’s exactly what you deserve.” She stood up and looked Jan over. “Strip for me.”

“You’re not gonna shoot me, are you?” Jan joked, referencing the scene in the musical. She didn’t wait for an answer, stripping down to nothing regardless.

“Mm… No, not this time,” she teased. She took her time undressing, making sure Jan never took her eyes off of her. It was a rush of confidence, of power, it stirred something up in her and she felt such an urge to act on it. She moved closer, then pulled Jan to sit at the edge of the bed, tilting her chin up with two fingers. “Now, what am I going to do with you?”

Jan opened her mouth to respond, but Jackie pressed a finger to her lips. Not an actual question, got it. When Jackie kissed her, she readily reciprocated, wondering if she was planning the next steps or just dragging it out to tease her. It didn’t matter to her, really, she was eager for whatever Jackie was going to do. 

And Jackie was just trying to figure out what to do. She had this beautiful girl, naked and ready for her to do what she pleased. As much as she liked this rush of power, it came with an odd sense of pressure too. But then an idea hit. “Lay on your back.”

Jan’s brow rose in interest, but she obeyed and laid on her back. Her eyes followed as Jackie as she walked across the room and rifled through a drawer. And when she realized Jackie was returning with a silk scarf, her heart started beating faster. 

“Arms above your head,” Jackie instructed, then tied Jan’s wrists together. “Naughty girls don’t get to touch. Not me, not yourself. Just lay there like a good girl,” she cooed. 

Jan whined because now that she was specifically told otherwise, all she wanted was to get her hands on Jackie. But then she watched Jackie disappear between her legs, and suddenly her whining turned to moaning. 

Jackie’s hands firmly held Jan’s hips down against the bed. Her tongue traced along her slit before slowly circling her clit. She let her tongue dip inside her, thrusting and curling in ways that made Jan moan louder and writhe up more desperately. “Stay still or I’ll stop,” she warned firmly. 

“Fuck, sorry, sorry,” Jan panted, finally willing herself to stay put. It felt far too good and she would do just about anything to keep it going. There was a brief moment of torturous nothingness, followed by the blissful relief of feeling Jackie’s tongue on her clit once more. 

As Jackie continued sucking on and lapping at Jan’s clit, she eased a finger inside of her, pace rapidly building up until she was roughly fucking her with one, then two fingers. Her other hand alternated between holding Jan down and moving up to grope at her breasts. She felt and tasted perfect, every inch of her, and Jackie quickly found herself getting addicted to the girl. 

If Jackie was starting to get addicted, Jan was fully hooked. Her moans were shamelessly, pornographically loud. If her hands weren’t tied, they’d be grabbing anything they could – Jackie, the comforter, she desperately needed something in her grasp. But all she could do was focus her energy on staying still, which was growing increasingly difficult. “Jackie, I – _fuck_ – I’m close, so close, _shit_ …”

“Go on,” Jackie encouraged. “Come for me.” 

It had hardly taken more than that. A moan ripped through Jan as her orgasm hit, and she couldn’t help but buck up as she rode it out. 

Jackie decided to let that slide, fucking her just as fervently through her orgasm, even continuing for a moment after she knew she was spent. “Hm,” she started as she finally moved to untie Jan’s wrists, “I think you’ve learned your lesson, haven’t you?”

“Uh-huh,” Jan nodded eagerly as she shook out her hands. “Wait, let me get you off too,” she insisted, reaching out to tug on Jackie’s arm. “Sit on my face.” 

“I just can’t say ‘no’ to you,” Jackie chuckled. Despite giving in to Jan, she did wait until the brunette had caught her breath before she went on to straddle her face. 

But as soon as Jackie was in position, Jan happily got to work. She gripped onto Jackie’s ass to hold her steady as she made quick work of sucking and licking at her.

Jackie held still at first, not wanting to overwhelm Jan. But when she was certain she was fine, she relaxed, rolling her hips steadily as she rode her face. “Fuck, Jan…” 

Jan couldn’t help but be proud of herself when she realized she was having the same effect on Jackie as she did on her. She was an overachiever, even in bed. So, it became something of a self-imposed challenge to get Jackie off as fast as she could, not willing to stop until she had the older girl shaking. 

And it ended up not taking long at all. Jackie was nearly as loud as Jan when she came, gripping onto the headboard as her hips rocked, then eventually slowed to a halt. “Jesus, fuck…” she exhaled as she moved to lay beside her. “Is there anything you can’t do with your mouth?” she teased.

“Whistle,” Jan replied with a shrug, which made both of them fall into a brief fit of giggles. She then cuddled up against Jackie. “You mind if I stay the night? I promise I’ll still be here in the morning.”

“Sure,” Jackie nodded, trying to sound casual, like she wouldn’t have cared either way if she got to wake up to Jan. “I’ll make breakfast.”

Jan nodded and let out a yawn. “Pancakes, please,” she murmured. This was fine, she thought. They had sex, and nothing felt weird. They could keep doing this, she told herself. There was nothing wrong with them _just_ sleeping together, right?


	5. Chapter 5

Jan yawned as she woke up, limbs stretching as she sprawled out. Her eyes fluttered open in confusion - she was alone, but this was not her bed. But once she properly woke up, the memories of the night before came rushing back. And she had slept so well that night, her body relaxed in the wake of such an intense orgasm, comfortable in Jackie’s arms, there hadn’t been a thing she would’ve changed. But she was wondering where Jackie was – not that she would’ve gone too far from her apartment. 

Without her contacts in, Jan had stumbled around the bedroom until she found clothes to put on. They fit a bit snugly, leading her to assume they were Jackie’s. But when she did put her contacts in and looked at the outfit, at the ribbed tank top and short shorts, she decided she looked cute and didn’t bother to change. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail and made her way into the other room, smiling when she saw Jackie in the kitchen. “Morning.” 

Jackie had thrown a large t-shirt on, one that hit just above her knees and covered the shorts she had on underneath. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun and she hummed contently to herself until she heard Jan’s voice. She looked over her shoulder, her face lighting up when she saw Jan walk towards her. Of course, she recognized her clothes on the other girl, but she had to admit, she liked how they looked on her even more. “Hey,” she greeted, “sleep well?” 

“Very,” she hummed, wrapping her arms around her back from behind and kissing her cheeks. “Oh yay, pancakes!” she chirped as she looked at the stove from over Jackie’s shoulder. 

“Well, you did ask so nicely last night,” she cooed. “I’ve got syrup and butter in the fridge if you wanna grab that. Do you want coffee?” 

Jan let go of Jackie to rifle through the fridge. “I’ll have a cup if you’re making some already,” she replied as she put the syrup and butter on the counter. “Did you know you don’t have to refrigerate butter? Doesn’t make sense, but apparently, that’s a thing.”

Jackie furrowed her brows. “But it’s dairy. How can you not refrigerate dairy?”

“It’s more fat than dairy,” she shrugged as she opened a couple of cabinets until she found the one with the plates in it, taking two out before closing them all up. 

“I _guess_ ,” Jackie relented, loading the pancakes onto a serving plate and setting it on the counter.

They filled their plates and made coffee before relocating to sit at the dining room table, still talking animatedly about otherwise trivial and mundane topics. All the worry about things being awkward between them in the aftermath had long since dissipated, to the point where it wasn’t even registering to them anymore. They ate their breakfast, got changed, and Jackie walked Jan out when it was time for her to leave. It was as simple as that.

Jackie cleaned up and retreated to her room afterward, laying facedown in bed. She inhaled deeply, her sheets and pillowcase still smelling like Jan. She didn't know what she had been so worried about, they got along great after having sex. Surely there was no reason why that couldn't factor into a normal friendship, right?

### 

“Okay, you can let go,” Brooke Lynn said to Vanessa, who was standing on the opposite side of the room, holding the end of a tape measure. “So, we’re looking at a nine by nine room, which is a little bigger than I expected, so that’s nice,” she remarked, setting the tape measure aside and sloppily writing the dimensions down in a notebook. 

Vanessa nodded as she looked around. The walls were a basic, simple white and the floors were hardwood. They’d both come to the immediate conclusion that both of these were unsuitable for their future child. So, while they were waiting for an update from the agency they had been in touch with, they decided to dive right into the room makeover. “You know what we should do? Paint the wall with the window a bright color, and the rest like, a pastel version of it.”

Brooke tilted her head, trying to envision what her wife described. “That’s a really good idea. We get a lot of natural light in here, it’ll balance out.”

“Don’t sound surprised, I have good ideas all the time!”

“You sure do,” she cooed, wrapping her arms around Vanessa and kissing her pouting lips. “We’ll get one of those paint swatch books and you can pick out your favorites.”

Vanessa arched her brow, unsure if that was an implied promise or if Brooke was simply placating her to avoid conflict – she was well known for the latter, after all. “You’re gonna let me pick?” 

Brooke offered a non-committal hum, raking her fingers through Vanessa’s hair. “We’ll talk about it, baby.” 

“Yeah, yeah I heard that line before,” she rolled her eyes, but smiled and kissed her nonetheless. “What time is Katya coming to pick up the desk?”

“She said around noon, so I’m expecting about two-thirty,” she chuckled and glanced at her phone. “She’ll text or call me when she’s on her way.” She may not have been able to trust Katya to be on time, but she usually gave enough of a warning for her to adjust accordingly. Still, just in case, she would end up periodically checking to see if her phone would ring or she’d hear that familiar text tone.

Vanessa nodded. “You know, one of Katya’s freshman students is dating her niece,” she remarked offhandedly. “I think she’s Jan’s roommate.” 

Brooke’s brows knitted in the middle of her forehead. “Really? I swear, everyone’s so connected around here,” she mused with a shrug. It did seem like every time she was introduced to someone, they already had a connection to someone else. And it was only ever like that in their department at this school, no other community she had been a part of had been so interwoven. There was something oddly endearing about it when she thought about it. Maybe that was why she was still so attached, why she kept coming back here. 

“Dunno how, but I think it could be useful once we get back into that matchmaking shit,” she added. “Like, have someone on the inside.”

Brooke looked at her wife curiously. “Are you suggesting we get Jan’s roommate – who is also Katya’s student and by proxy, yours – to be our matchmaking spy? That seems… unethical.”

Vanessa shrugged. “Just spitballin’ ideas here.” It’s not like either of them had a pure ethical code that they had a strict adherence to, but she supposed it was for the best to just let the idea go. 

As it turned out, Katya was only about an hour late, which was fairly impressive by her standards. “Alright,” she prompted once she located the desk that had been temporarily moved into the living room, “let’s load this baby up.”

The desk wasn’t too heavy – Brooke and Katya were able to take it outside while Vanessa diligently supervised and helped the other two get it into the van. It was a tight squeeze, but they made it work. “Shit,” Vanessa smiled with an exhale, “this is happening.” 

“Are you okay?” Brooke asked as the three of them went back inside.

“I am, it’s just really hitting. But I’ve never been more excited about nothing in my life.”

Katya looked at the couple with piqued interest, sitting down on the couch. “Well, come on, don’t leave me in the dark here,” she jokingly chastised. “Tell me everything. What have you done so far? What do you have to do? Are you gonna have to meet with whatever parent gave up custody?” While Katya and her wife did have a child, they had gone the surrogacy route, as her wife had expressed a strong desire to do so. 

“It’s _so_ much paperwork,” Brooke said with a dramatic flourish as she dropped herself onto the couch. “I mean I get it, they want to be thorough, but still.” 

Vanessa nodded. “We gotta do this thing called the ‘home study’. It’s a fuckton of meetings, interviews, and training sessions with the agency. Gonna take a few months to do all of it,” she added. 

Katya looked positively riveted at the explanation. She supposed she had previously assumed it was just a marginally more complicated version of adopting a pet. “What do they teach you? Like, how not to neglect a kid?”

“Kind of,” Brooke replied. “It’s more like, understanding adoption, figuring out what we bring to the table as good parents, and stuff to decide what type of child would best be suited to us. It’s not like, we just walk into a room, look at a bunch of kids, and pick out the cutest one.”

“I mean yeah, when you put it like that, it is a human being’s entire life in play,” Katya agreed. “I think all parents should have some sort of ‘how not to fuck up your kids’ training. I’d take it in a heartbeat,” she added offhandedly. 

Vanessa frowned and leaned forward, making sure she held Katya’s gaze. “Why? You guys are good moms, got your shit together, and whatever.” Sure, it had been a little surprising when she had made the announcement, but they both had all the faith in the world that she would raise her child – Brooke and Vanessa’s goddaughter – very well.

“Yeah, but wouldn’t you want a cheat sheet if you had the option of getting one?” 

Brooke and Vanessa looked at each other, engaging in some sort of silent, telepathic communication happening between the two of them before they simultaneously nodded and answered, “yeah.”

Katya had a small, triumphant grin before moving on to her next question. “What type of kid are you hoping for? Is that an… okay thing to ask?”

“Yeah, I mean, we have to set some sort of parameters so the agency knows what to look for,” Brooke explained. “We decided to aim for the three to five age range, adoption rates drop off drastically at that point, and honestly, I don’t trust myself taking care of a newborn. “I said that race and ethnicity was a non-issue for me, but–”

“–But ideally, I’m hopin’ for a Latina, wanna have those cultural things to bond over, you know?” Vanessa finished, then added, “we also want a girl.” 

Katya’s eyes were bright with enthusiasm for her friends. “I’m sure whatever child ends up with you is gonna be super cute and super lucky to have you guys,” she told them, then looked down to check her phone. “I gotta head out though, Priyanka’s babysitting, and I don’t trust her with Julia for more than a couple hours, especially if she brought Lemon over,” she said as she got up, then looked at her friends with a fond smile. “Oh, I remember when you two were in that phase. New love, obnoxious horniness. Ah, memories. Anyway, good luck, bye!” And with that, she was gone. 

Vanessa moved to sit on Brooke’s lap. “You remember those days, boo? All that young, puppy love?”

Brooke smiled, wrapping her arms around Vanessa’s waist. “How could I ever forget? We were just so obsessed with each other, even though our communication was pretty damn bad at the beginning,” she laughed softly.

“What, like with the Juilliard girl?” Vanessa hid her face in the crook of Brooke’s neck as she giggled. “I thought I was so smart tryna make you jealous to get some rough sex,” she shook her head, cheeks still reddening despite all the years that had passed. 

“Yeah, the one I was ready to murder,” Brooke recalled. “Little did you know, the best was yet to come,” she hummed as she aimlessly played with Vanessa’s hair. 

Throughout their relationship, they had learned what felt like every little detail about each other, especially in the bedroom. Vanessa learned that Brooke was an exhibitionist that got off on riling her up in public, Brooke learned that Vanessa was a textbook brat that loved having her limits pushed. There was a solid chunk of time after their honeymoon that was dedicated almost exclusively to doing everything and anything they wanted to in bed. 

“Been a while since we fucked like that,” Vanessa mused offhandedly. It was neither of their faults, there had been a time where they really couldn’t do anything but work. And they loved their work, and they felt comfortable enough with each other for it to never be a real concern.

Brooke frowned, holding her wife tighter. “I guess so… God, I hope we’re not falling into a lesbian bed death.” She caught the look on Vanessa’s face, the one where she was asking for an explanation without wanting to have to say the words. “It’s when a lesbian couple still really loves each other, but their sex life kind of… tapers off.”

Vanessa nodded in understanding. “Gonna have even less time once we bring in a kid,” she added, then shifted so Brooke was laying down and she was resting on top of her. “I don’t want that to happen with us, though.”

“Then we won’t let it,” she hummed, securing both arms around the smaller woman and leaning up to kiss her sweetly. “We’ll make time for each other, cram in all the sex we can get before we have to be on our best behavior. I promise I’ll make it good for you, okay baby?” 

That was enough to satiate the newly-developed concern that had bubbled up inside of Vanessa. She knew neither of them ever doubted that their attraction towards each other was only matched by their love for each other, but just like any other couple, making time to remind themselves of that could only help. “Yeah, I know you’re good for it,” she chuckled softly. 

There was a beat of silence before Brooke asked, “Do you think that’s why we’ve been trying to get Jan and Jackie together? To live vicariously through them?”

Vanessa chewed on her lip as she thought. “Nah,” she finally concluded. “It ain’t like that. It’s the nostalgia of it all, you know? It’s fun because watching people fall in love is fun, and sometimes people that are already in love can see that spark in other people.” 

Brooke smiled warmly. “You know, sometimes I forget how prolific you can be.”

“I’m not prolific, I’m pro-choice.” Vanessa watched as Brooke struggled with the decision of whether or not to correct her. “I’m just fucking with you, babe.”

### 

Jaida stared at Jackie with a deadpan expression. “You know you’re supposed to be the smart one, right?” she finally asked.

Jackie frowned, poking her fork against her food. “I don’t see what the big deal is. This whole thing was just about us being awkward about fooling around. Now we’re having sex, so everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t that be fine?” 

The conversation hadn’t been going on for very long, but it was clear that Jaida was already exhausted with her friend. “The general rule of thumb for just fucking someone is that you don’t cuddle them while you sleep and then cook them breakfast in the morning. You do that with someone you’re tryna cuff,” she told her. “And if that’s what you wanna do, that’s fine, but you gotta own it.” 

“I’m not trying to cuff her!” Jackie insisted. “I mean it, we have great sexual chemistry and we were driving ourselves crazy trying to ignore it. So, all we’re doing is not ignoring it. It’s healthier for us, otherwise class was just… weird. And I don’t want things to be weird with her.” 

“You want me to believe that you got _no_ feelings for her whatsoever, huh?” Jaida hadn’t even met Jan yet, she didn’t need to. She’s known Jackie long enough to know that she has never had a successful friends-with-benefits relationship before. Someone always caught feelings, and no matter how it ended, it was never good. Perhaps that was obvious, considering Jackie had been single for over a year, something Jaida knew she hated. 

And that left Jackie quiet for a good few moments. As much as she overanalyzed everything else in her life, she didn’t want to do that with Jan. Jan didn’t seem complicated to her – she was vivacious and charming and seemed to know exactly what she wanted out of life. She had an air of whimsy about her that Jackie both admired and envied. “I’ve never met anyone like her before. I can’t explain how, but she’s… different. And I don’t know if it means I have feelings for her, I’m not at a point where I want to think about it.” 

Jaida nodded as she listened. Even if she wasn’t fully convinced in everything Jackie said, she understood where she was coming from. And she could’ve kept riding her about it, but she didn’t see much point in that either. “Is sex good, at least?” 

Jackie nearly choked on the bite of food in her mouth, quickly washing it down with a swig of her drink. “Jaida!” she giggled her hand to her chest, clutching imaginary pearls. “But, um… yes, some of the best I’ve ever had. It’s crazy, when you look at her, you see this cute, doe-eyed girl, but as soon as she gets a little horny… shit, it’s a whole transformation.” 

“You topping her or nah?” She was amused and surprised by how candid her friend was being and wanted to see how far she could push it. 

This time Jackie blushed and bit down on her lip. “Oh my god, Jaida,” she shook her head and looked down. “There’s no other option but to top her, it’s pretty hot.” 

“Damn, okay,” Jaida laughed. “So when do I get to meet this girl? Wanna find out who’s been living in your mind rent-free.” 

Jackie shrugged as she finished up her lunch. “Stop by campus one of these days, I’m sure Brooke Lynn won’t mind if you sit in on a class,” she offered. “Just play it cool, okay?”

Jaida snorted. “You first, bitch.”


	6. Chapter 6

Jan had thrown herself into _Heathers_ rehearsals as soon as they began. This was her element, when she was at her best. Simply practicing her songs on stage gave her a serotonin boost, it was addictive, always has been. 

Having a great cast helped perpetuate that positive energy. Jan usually got along with everyone she acted alongside, but she’d butted heads in the past. But everyone seemed genuinely relaxed and fun. One castmate she had gotten particularly close to was the girl playing Heather Chandler, a French student named Nicky. 

Initially, Jan was intrigued by how easily Nicky could switch her fake American accent on and off. Being terrible at accents herself, that had been the catalyst that’d gotten them talking. Then she allowed herself to acknowledge how attractive Nicky is – it was hard to ignore, considering how openly and casually she flirted with her. 

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Nicky asked out of the blue during one rehearsal. 

Jan cleared her throat and looked down. “Well… Short answer, no.” 

“And the long answer?” 

She let out an awkward laugh, toying aimlessly with the hem of her shirt. “No, but I have a friend who I’m, you know, hooking up with. And no one ever believes me when I say that’s all there is to it,” she explained. 

Nicky nodded as she listened. “I believe you,” she offered. “I’ve hooked up with plenty of my friends. I do not see the big deal of it.” 

Jan clasped her hands together and nodded quickly. “Yes! Exactly! Finally, someone gets it.” The vindication she felt was immediate and intense. That was precisely what she had been swearing up and down, mainly to Gigi, but to anyone that questioned her as well. 

“How long has this been going on?” She asked, amused by the dramatics in Jan’s response. 

Jan paused to count on her fingers. “Um… a couple weeks, give or take.” 

Nicky tried to hold it in but burst out into a fit of giggles. “Sorry, sorry, it’s just… You’re this worked up over a girl you’ve been fucking for two weeks? Have you considered this to be why people think you are more than friends?” 

“You don’t understand,” she insisted, “our whole relationship is complicated.” 

“Is she married? Inside the closet?” 

“No, but, um, she’s my TA.” 

Nicky’s eyes lit up in interest. “Oooh, _comme c’est scandaleuse_!” she gasped and pressed her hand to her chest, then leaned closer to Jan to urge her to go on. “Which one is it? Is she hot?” 

Jan’s gaze returned to the floor, this time fidgeting by running her fingers through her ponytail. “Of course she’s hot, give me some credit here,” she giggled. “Do you take History of Dance?” 

She shook her head. “No, but I wish I did now, damn. I guess you’re _both_ lucky,” she winked.

### 

“Remember, we’re working on the traffic light system,” Brooke Lynn was saying as she tied a silk blindfold around Vanessa’s head, covering her eyes. “Red is stop, yellow is slow down, green is go.” 

“I know how traffic lights work. I’ve gotten enough tickets for running them,” Vanessa chuckled. While they had relied on safe words in the past, they decided to try something different, something they thought would be more effective and allow for clearer communication. 

Brooke laughed softly. “Every day I thank God that you don’t drive anymore.” She waited a beat, allowing herself to shift into the ‘domme mode’ her wife was patiently waiting for. Sure, they couldn’t be as spontaneous as they’d been in the past, they were both excited for the quality intimate time they’d carved out. “Now, go lay on your back.” 

Vanessa readily obliged, laying on her back with her head nestled in the pile of pillows that was always on their bed. She listened to the sound of the bedside drawer opening and closing, then let Brooke manipulate her arms until she got them in position. Her heart started beating faster as her wife tied silk rope around her wrists, the other ends secured around the bedposts. 

Once the ropes were firmly secured, Brooke took a step back to admire just how perfect Vanessa looked. They had picked out the lingerie set together – a strapless red bra with matching panties, garters that connected to knee-high fishnets. She loved how Vanessa looked in red – she could stun in any color, but something about red against her golden-brown skin was just perfect. Her outfit was similar, though her lingerie was black and her bra had thin, lace straps. 

Brooke crawled on top of Vanessa, her hands dipping under her to unhook her bra, tossing it aside. She kissed her languidly, hands roaming the expanse of her body, then moving one to pinch and tweak her nipples while the other teasingly rubbed over the front of her panties. “You’re being such a good girl for me,” she praised, pressing kisses down her neck.

But as soon as Vanessa had started to get used to the pleasure, she lost the contact and just barely swallowed a whine. She couldn’t discern much noise, but she was able to tell that Brooke was undressing, and her heart rate picked back up in anticipation. 

“Mommy’s going to sit on your face, okay?” Brooke got back on top of Vanessa as she spoke, moving further up her body, but stopping short to wait for an answer. 

Vanessa nodded. “Yes, please,” she breathed out, adjusting just enough to get more comfortable. 

Brooke shifted her hips over Vanessa’s face and held onto the headboard so she wouldn't need to rest all of her weight on her head. “Fuck…” she let out a soft, pleased gasp when she felt her wife’s tongue ease into her, but stayed still until Vanessa picked up a steady rhythm.

Vanessa’s instinct was to try to hold onto Brooke’s thighs, but with her wrists bound, she had to trust that Brooke would ride her face with the right amount of pressure and fervor. The bit of risk it brought, the way her other senses were heightened with her sight gone, it sent an intense wave of arousal through her body. She had to squeeze her thighs together just to keep herself from getting too distracted from the task at hand. 

“Fuck, that’s it, baby. Doing so well,” Brooke moaned, her hips rolling steadily, keeping time with Vanessa’s movements. Her grip on the headboard tightened, knuckles turning white. “Shit, gonna make me come,” she warned not long after. 

Vanessa nodded the best she could, thrusting her tongue faster, sucking on Brooke’s clit harder. She could tell when Brooke came by the way her body trembled and eagerly fucked her through it, only stopping when she sensed her getting off the bed. 

“You did so well,” she praised, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Mommy’s gonna reward you now, baby.” As she spoke, she reached into another drawer, this time to pull out her strap-on and hook it around her hips. She sauntered back to the bed, taking her time running her fingers up Vanessa’s legs, sliding off her panties. “Soaked already, my eager little slut,” she cooed. She pushed Vanessa’s legs apart and moved between her thighs, pushing forward just enough for the head of the silicone toy to rub against her slit, conveying what her intentions were. “Color?” 

“Green, fuck, please,” Vanessa couldn’t get the words out fast enough. She kept her legs propped apart, waiting in desperate anticipation until she finally felt Brooke ease into her, eliciting a loud moan. 

Brooke was slow at first until she was certain Vanessa was comfortable. Then she began thrusting harder and faster, pushing Vanessa’s legs back and holding onto her thighs to get a better angle. “Mm, there we go, you take Mommy’s cock so well,” she praised. 

Vanessa arched her body towards Brooke, fervently writhing in time with her thrusts. She moaned and cursed and babbled to the point where Brooke couldn’t discern what language she was using. 

But Brooke loved it, she loved being able to fuck her wife into a hot, moaning mess. She kept one hand on Vanessa’s thigh while the other moved to rub her clit in tandem with her thrusts, eyes trained on her face to watch for the second her orgasm hit.

By the time Vanessa had finished riding out her orgasm, her body was sweaty, trembling, and her head was in a blissfully dizzy fog. She let out a sigh of relief when Brooke untied her and took off the blindfold, and eagerly accepted the water bottle she gave her. “Shit, didn’t realize how badly I needed to get fucked like that.”

Brooke chuckled softly as she got in bed and pulled Vanessa close. “See? I told you we had nothing to worry about. No lesbian bed death here.” 

“Oh, don’t act like you wasn’t a little worried,” she teased. “But we’re good. I love you so much,” she tilted her head up to press a tender kiss to her lips. “We might have to re-evaluate the ‘mommy’ thing once we got a kid, though.”

### 

Jackie moved quickly as she packed up her things after Brooke’s afternoon class. “You have everything else covered, right?”

Brooke arched her brow as she watched Jackie scurry about. “Yeah, I’m fine. Where are you off to in such a rush?”

“Rush? I’m not rushing,” she insisted. “I mean, I thought I might stop by the auditorium on my way back home, you know, just to see if anything’s going on.” 

“You mean to catch Jan when she’s getting out of rehearsal to hit her up for some totally platonic sex?” 

Jackie huffed and pulled her bag over her shoulder. “No! I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed to it…” 

“Just embrace being horny, Jackie. It makes the sex more fun,” Brooke chuckled as she gathered her things. “Speaking of which, I’m gonna head out and pick up dinner so I have time to rail my wife when she gets home. We’re on a hot streak. Bye!” She left before Jackie could complain about the oversharing. 

“Embrace being horny, Jackie. I’m gonna rail my wife, Jackie,” she mocked to herself once she was alone, continuing to mutter in discontent as she made her way out of the classroom and towards the auditorium. The door just off the side of the theater’s front row was propped a bit less than halfway open, allowing her to inconspicuously peer inside. 

Jan and Nicky were sitting about ten feet away – just close enough that when Jackie peered in a bit more, she was able to eavesdrop on the two.

Nicky was sitting on the floor with Jan between her legs while she braided her hair. “What shampoo do you use? Your hair smells so nice.”

Jan beamed brightly at the compliment, only to frown as her brows furrowed. “Y’know, I don’t remember what it’s called, I just started using it a few days ago. I’ll text you a picture when I get home, though.”

“Or you could just take me into the shower with you and I’ll find out for myself,” she teased, nudging Jan’s leg with her own. 

“Nicky!” Jan giggled, playfully pushing her thigh, though her hand lingered, and she found herself grateful for how warm it still was in late September, allowing Nicky to wear short shorts and her fingertips to lightly stroke across the smooth skin. It was harmless, she would remind herself. Harmless flirting. Which she was allowed to do because she was single. 

Jackie, however, felt sick to her stomach. Her legs carried her away from the auditorium before her brain even told them to. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to vomit or cry or take a nap, she just knew she felt bad. But with that bad feeling came a sense of anger and frustration – who the hell was she to be upset by that? It wasn’t like she could blame Jan for flirting with a hot blonde with a French accent. 

On top of everything else, Jackie didn’t even want to vent her feelings to anyone. She was sure Brooke or Jaida would be quick to say ‘I told you so’ if she admitted that she didn’t like seeing Jan flirt with someone else. Hell, she knew she would be struggling to admit it to herself for at least the rest of the night. “This is nothing, this is stupid,” she muttered to herself, “she’s not your girlfriend, you guys are just having sex, get over it.” 

“Harsh mumbling to yourself. Never a good sign.” 

Jackie was startled and jolted back into reality when she realized Katya was walking in step with her for at least the past few seconds. “Huh? Oh, I just… you know, have a lot on my mind. Busy times.” 

Katya chuckled softly. “You don’t have to pull that act with me, kid. I know all about your situation, I went through this shit with Brooke and Vanjie too, remember?” 

“This isn’t like that,” she insisted. “I was just… caught off guard when I saw Jan flirting with who I assume is one of her castmates. She’s pretty. Blonde. French.” 

“Uh-huh,” Katya did her best not to laugh, but a chuckle slipped out. “I wonder how you say ‘jealous’ in French.”

“ _Jalouse_ ,” Jackie answered automatically, then huffed and added, “which I’m not!” But then her expression softened into a timid, almost childlike one. “Because I’m not supposed to be, right?” 

“God, you young lesbians have one fucking setting and it’s ‘hopeless pining’,” she observed, then placed a gentle hand on Jackie’s shoulder. “Look, you’re human. You’re having human feelings about the human person you’re having human sex with.”

“Please don’t say ‘human’ again. You make it sound like there’s an alternative option.” 

“I mean… vampires, ghosts, possibly-”

“Katya!”

Katya cleared her throat as she got herself back on track. “Right, right. Anyway, my point is that there’s nothing inherently wrong with how you’re feeling. It’s normal, and maybe you should consider talking to her about this.”

Jackie shook her head. “I can’t do that. I don’t wanna come off as weird and needy. I’m supposed to be the wiser, more mature one. I’m kind of her teacher, after all.”

“You’re overthinking, just drop the act and work out how you feel. Yes, even if it involves talking to Jan,” Katya told her, then paused, scrunching her nose. “Wow, I’m experiencing some intense deja vu here.” 

“Oh, don’t compare this to Brooke and Vanjie,” she huffed. “It’s different.”

“Yeah,” Katya agreed, “you’re much more difficult.”

### 

As Jan and Gigi left class, Jan couldn’t help but feel that something was off. “Did Jackie seem… weird to you today?”

“She’s always kinda weird,” Gigi shrugged. “I thought that was part of the appeal. Like, the sexy nerd shtick or whatever. Maybe it’s just the thick-rimmed glasses that do it for you,” she laughed at her quip before refocusing on Jan. “Why, what did you think was wrong?” 

Jan gestured vaguely, hoping the words would come to her. “I dunno how to explain it. She seemed distant, I think. Almost cold, like she didn’t wanna be there. And I mean, she could’ve just called in sick if that was the case, but still. It felt uncomfy.” 

“You worried she’s gonna stop putting out?” she teased. “Hey, if your bed stops feeling empty, you could always hit up Nicky.”

“No, no,” Jan groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. “It’s not like that, none of that. If something is wrong with Jackie, I wanna know. You know, in case I caused it or could help fix it. And… I haven’t decided if I’m gonna pursue anything with Nicky yet.” 

Gigi arched her brow. “But you’re considering it?” 

“I’m not not considering it,” she admitted. “Jackie and I aren’t in a relationship, she doesn’t even know about Nicky. I can have a sex life outside of what we have going on if I want to” she defended, then looked down, her voice quieting as she continued, “I just don’t know if I want to.” 

“Sounds like you’re a little worried about her finding out about Nicky.”

Jan scoffed and crossed her arms as they walked. “I am not! I mean, I’m not gonna make a point of announcing anything, but it’s not any of her business. I don’t go around telling all of my friends about who I’m thinking about hooking up with. Just you, because you’re borderline unhealthily involved in my personal life.” 

“Only borderline?” Gigi laughed lightly. “It’s just so fascinating to me how you’re so unwilling to admit you have feelings for Jackie. You wouldn’t even hesitate to get with Nicky if she didn’t mean anything to you, or if she was actually ‘just a friend’. I just don’t get why you’re being so stubborn.” 

“Because I don’t _know_ how I feel!” Jan finally confessed. “Whenever I think about it too much I get flustered and dizzy. Maybe there are feelings there, maybe it’s just chasing the high from the sex. The point is, I don’t wanna shake everything up until I know for sure where my head and my heart are at, it’d be too messy and someone could get hurt.” 

This caught Gigi by surprise, the both of them stopping in their tracks to process what Jan had blurted out. “Huh. You know, that’s the most sense you’ve made on the subject so far. But it sounds like you’re… I dunno, afraid to take a risk. And I get it, trust me. But what’s the point of college if not to take risks and try new things? You guys have chemistry, like, it was obvious from day one. I just think that means something.” 

Jan sighed and leaned against the wall. “Maybe it does,” she conceded. “Maybe I am afraid.” She looked back down the hall as if she’d see Jackie waiting there for her. “I know I can’t avoid talking to her forever.”


	7. Chapter 7

When Brooke Lynn walked into her classroom and saw Jackie already there, pacing back and forth, worry was her obvious, immediate reaction. “Penny for your thoughts?” she asked after clearing her throat to get her attention.

Jackie managed to stand still and lean against Brooke’s desk to catch her breath. “Have you seen Jan’s instagram story?” 

“No,” she answered as she sat down at her desk, “because on principle I tend to avoid my students’ social media. Why?”

“Oh, so _that’s_ where you draw the line?” she scoffed as she got her phone out and opened the app. “Here, look.”

Brooke took Jackie’s phone from her and opened Jan’s story. From what she could see, Jan had gone out the previous Saturday with some of her _Heathers_ castmates – the girls playing the title characters, if she had to guess, considering each post was captioned with ‘#theheathers’. They were drinking and dancing, the whole thing appeared to be relatively innocuous. It was typical college girl behavior. “Okay… seems like a girls’ night out, what’s the issue?”

“Go to the next one.”

With a roll of her eyes, Brooke obliged. In the next story, the girls were dancing and grinding on each other to a techno beat. But then the camera zoomed in on Jan and Nicky sharing an innocent enough close-lipped peck, though Nicky’s hands were on Jan’s ass in a pointedly non-innocent manner. They shared another couple kisses, both of them giggling the whole time. “Is that it?” she asked as she handed the phone back to Jackie. 

Jackie looked at her incredulously, mouth agape. “What do you mean ‘is that it’? Were we not watching the same clip?” 

Brooke shrugged. “She went out with some friends, got drunk, and got handsy with one of them. I don’t see what the big deal is - she’s nineteen, this is how kids have fun.”

“So you would’ve been fine if it were Vanjie grinding and kissing on some pretty girl?”

“First of all,” she put a hand up to stop her, “Vanjie was already my girlfriend at this point, comparatively. Whereas Jan is a girl you’re fucking because you’re allergic to talking about how you feel about her. Second of all, we _did_ have a run-in with jealousy, but that’s another story entirely,” Brooke answered. “But we wouldn’t have gotten past it if we didn’t know how to fucking communicate.”

Jackie looked down, feeling like a child being scolded, and sat at one of the student desks. “Will you tell me the jealousy story?” she asked, voice meek. She had always seen Brooke and Vanessa’s relationship as perfect, above reproach. Knowing that even they could have a bump in the road made her feel a bit better.

Brooke’s expression softened. “Sure. So, Vanj was doing this big dance competition, as was this other dancer from Julliard. And I mean this girl is all over her from day one, pissed me the hell off,” she recalled. She shook her head because looking back, the story felt a bit ridiculous to tell, but maybe that would help even more. 

“Jump ahead to this Halloween party she throws and invites us to, and once again she’s all over my girl. But what got me was how Vanessa bought into it. I got pissed and left and she admitted she was only flirting with her because she liked the jealous, angry sex we had so much.” 

“I don’t know what I expected,” Jackie admitted with the slightest hint of a laugh, “but it wasn’t that. How’d you guys get past it?”

“Vanessa made a very sweet, if not a bit corny gesture and it led to this romantic little reunion in the studio,” she concluded. “So, from there on out we made sure to talk about our feelings instead of leaving things up to chance by hoping we’ll guess what’s wrong with each other. See? Different situations entirely, but we didn’t solve it by avoiding tough conversations.”

Jackie groaned and hid her head on the desk. “I objectively know you’re right,” she conceded. “I’m gonna talk to her, I promise.”

Brooke gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “You got this,” she said with confidence as she stood up. “Now look alive, class starts in five.” 

“I got this,” Jackie repeated to herself before focusing her energy towards shifting into ‘teacher mode’. It was always something that provided a good, if not necessary, distraction. When she was being a teacher, her personal life faded into the background. Even Jan turned into another student in the class, and God knows that was a weight lifted from her. 

And class did go off without a hitch, especially since she spent most of it doing paperwork while Brooke led the class. Teacher mode gave her focus, tunnel vision. In fact, she hardly said a word until after Brooke dismissed the students. Then she did speak. “Hey, Jan, can you hang back for a bit?”

Jan seemed surprised but nodded quickly. “Go ahead, I’ll catch up,” she said to Gigi before turning back to Jackie. “What’s up?” she asked, not noticing that Brooke had quietly slipped out of the room along with her classmates. 

It was then that Jackie realized she hadn’t planned out what she was going to say. Why hadn’t she spent some of those ninety minutes doing something more useful than grading texts? She was mad at herself and anxiety began bubbling up inside of her. Improvising it was. “I… um… saw that you uploaded some videos from Saturday onto your story last night…”

“Oh yeah, I went out with the Heathers. It was a cute place, great cocktails,” Jan chirped as casually as she would discuss the weather. To the untrained eye, it seemed like she was truly oblivious to what could’ve bothered Jackie about what she posted. 

But Jackie knew better. She knew Jan was a talented actress, that she’d had since last night (or even since Saturday) to prepare an answer and that, for lack of a better phrase, she was trying to bullshit her. “Don’t get cute, Jan. You know what I’m talking about. What’s going on with you and Nicky?”

Jan tilted her head. “I never tagged her or told you her name, how did you know it?”

_Fuck_. Jackie could’ve kicked herself for that. Evidently, improv wasn’t her strong suit, and on top of that, she was a terrible liar, leaving her with no choice. “I happened to be by the auditorium during one of your rehearsals. You guys seem… close.”

“Maybe we are close,” Jan conceded. “I don’t see the problem, pretty sure I can get ‘close’ to whoever I want, right?”

She stiffened, clenching her jaw. “So you _are_ fucking her?”

Jan clicked her tongue and scoffed. “No, I’m not. But who are you to get pissy at me about it? It’s not like I need to ask your permission to hook up with other people.”

“I’m not being pissy,” Jackie insisted, unable to avoid sounding defensive. “But if you want her, let me know. I’m not gonna waste my time.”

“Oh, so now what we’ve had is a ‘waste of time’ because I might be attracted to someone else too?” Jan snapped.

She groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. “No, no that’s not what I mean. I don’t-”

“Please,” Jan put her hand up and waved her off. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too, Jackie,” she hissed, then turned on her heel, leaving before Jackie could respond. 

The hall was silent except for her heels against the linoleum. As she rounded the corner and headed out of the building, she fished her phone out of her pocket and made a call. “Hey, are you busy? Good, I’m coming over, I’ll be there in ten.”

Jan couldn’t even remember the walk from the main building to the dorms. A rush of anger-fueled adrenaline propelled her forward – it was like she blinked and suddenly she was banging on Nicky’s door.

Nicky opened the door. “Hey, what’s going on? You sounded-” she was cut off by Jan kissing her hard, fisting her hand into her hair and pulling her close. She blinked in surprise when her mouth was freed. “Um… What is happening? Am I fucking you? Is that where this is going?” 

“You’re so smart and perceptive, it’s so sexy,” she breathed out before reconnecting their lips, kicking the door shut behind her. 

“You don’t have to sweet talk me, babygirl. I’ve been waiting for this.”

Jan let out a small sigh of relief as she backed onto Nicky’s bed, pulling the blonde down with her. She immediately resumed kissing her eagerly, sloppily. There was a tangle of limbs as their clothes were yanked off and tossed every which way, she couldn’t seem to get naked fast enough. “Don’t be gentle with me,” she breathed out, “I need it hard, need you to fuck me til I forget how to think or feel.” 

Nicky paused, her lips curling into a smirk. “Hard, huh? I think I know just what to do.” She got up and rifled through her drawer until she pulled out a harness and the dildo that strapped onto it. “I’m gonna take good care of you,” she assured.

Jan’s eyes lit up and she laid back readily, propping her legs apart and arching her hips up when Nicky got herself in position. Her body trembled in anticipation as she watched Nicky slick up the silicone cock with lube. The waiting felt like torture as her desire built up faster than she could deal with and it culminated with a sharp moan when Nicky finally eased it in. 

“Good girl,” she gently praised, giving her a moment to adjust – it was one of her bigger ones and she knew Jan would _feel_ it. Once she was certain the girl under her was ready, she switched to a rough, fast thrusting pace. One hand was roughly pulling on Jan’s ponytail, the other carefully wrapping around her neck, applying just enough pressure to make her whimper and squirm. If Jan wanted it hard and rough, she was more than happy to oblige. 

And Jan was even more certain this was exactly what she needed. As she moaned and writhed about, all she could focus on was how good it felt. The tinges of physical pain were arousing, and enough to distract from the emotional pain that was trying to linger. She needed Nicky to choke her, slap her, pull her hair, anything to keep her grounded solely in the moment. “Yes, fuck, _please_ don’t stop,” she begged. 

Not that Nicky was planning on it. Her hips snapped forward with each thrust, the sound of skin smacking together filling the room, only to be drowned out by Jan’s moans when she hit her orgasm. “That’s it, come for me,” she encouraged, fucking her through it until she was certain Jan was completely spent. She looked down at the brunette as she pulled out, pleased with how utterly wrecked she looked. 

“Fuck…” Jan panted breathlessly, laying flat on the bed and letting her eyes shut for a moment. Even with her eyes closed, she was seeing stars. “Thanks, Nicky. You have no idea how badly I needed that.” 

“You don’t wanna talk about it, do you?” Nicky teased after she cleaned up and got under the covers with her. 

Jan shook her head, then hid her face in the crook of Nicky’s neck. The last thing she wanted was to think about what sparked her urge to come here in the first place. “I don’t even want to think about it. Can we just… take a nap?” 

“Perfect idea,” she yawned as her eyes closed. 

The two of them slept in silence for about an hour, with Jan being the first to wake up. For a moment, everything was warm and peaceful, she didn’t feel anything but comfort and bliss. 

Slowly but surely, however, the negative feelings of hurt, anger, and spite slipped back in and led her to grab her phone off of Nicky’s nightstand. She had to do something to make herself feel better. “The lighting is so good right now, we should take a selfie.” 

Nicky yawned and rubbed her eyes. “Fine, but only post it if we look cute,” she warned before posing so Jan could take pictures. She then watched over Jan’s shoulder as she uploaded one to her instagram story. “Wow, who are you trying to give jealousy with that one?”

“Is it that obvious?” asked Jan, blushing. 

“A little bit,” Nicky giggled. “But I don’t mind, if you’re going to use anyone for that, I’m a great choice.” She laid back down and got her own phone out to share it to her story. “Do you think it’ll work?”

She shrugged. “Maybe.”

### 

Brooke sighed as she looked at her phone for what had easily been the tenth time since she left the apartment. “Still no answer, but I just know she’s at home. She has to be.” 

Vanessa nodded as they walked. “In the whole time we known her, she never ignores your texts, definitely not your calls. That picture got her all sorts of fucked up.”

Normally, Brooke adhered to her own set of rules to a T, but she had to break them when she sensed something was wrong with Jackie. And sure enough, when she checked Jan’s story (from Vanessa’s account), everything made sense. That was what had them rushing to her apartment, despite it rapidly approaching the middle of the night. 

“She ain’t gonna get mad about you using the ‘emergency only’ key, is she?” Vanessa asked as she watched her wife rifle through her purse. 

“I would consider this an emergency,” she defended as she unlocked the door and let them in. “Wait here, I’m gonna poke my head into her room and assess the situation.” 

Vanessa waited patiently, arching her brow when Brooke returned. “What’s the tea?”

Brooke had a concerned, unnerved expression on her face like she was still processing what she had just walked in on. “We have a code gray.”

She furrowed her brows. “Jackie’s a violent hospital patient?”

“What? No. Also, how do you know that? Nevermind,” Brooke shook her head as she tried to stay on task. “She’s code gray as in Conan Gray, come look,” she explained before quietly leading Vanessa to the partially opened door. 

Jackie was sitting on the floor against the side of her bed. She was wearing a purple letterman jacket that Brooke and Vanessa could ascertain was accidentally left there by Jan. ‘Heather’ by Conan Gray was playing, most likely having been on loop for God knows how long.

Vanessa realized how bad this was, and looked up at Brooke, waiting for instruction as to where to go from there.

Brooke decided to take the lead, carefully walking into the room with her wife following. “You okay, Jackie?” she asked gently. 

“I ruined everything,” Jackie replied in a broken whisper. “I couldn’t deal with how I feel about her and I pushed her into a French actresses’ bed.” She laid down on the floor and sighed. “I can’t believe I fucked in this badly.”

Brooke and Vanessa propped Jackie back up, both wrapping an arm around her. “Hey, don’t talk like that. This is just a bump in the road, it’s not over yet,” Brooke assured. 

“How can you be so sure of that?” Jackie sniffled. 

“I just know.”

“That’s not as reassuring as you think it is.” 

Vanessa decided to chime in. “Ain’t it obvious what you gotta do?” She received blank stares from both Jackie and Brooke. “Jan just wants to know you’re all in with her. She’s clearly just using blondie over there to make you jealous… We’ve all been there.” 

“Speak for yourself,” Brooke retorted playfully. 

She rolled her eyes at her wife. “What I’m sayin’ is she wanted to get under your skin and it worked. Maybe too well, but she got what she wanted. Now you just gotta tell her how you really feel, how bad you want her.” 

Jackie hesitated, fiddling with the sleeves of the jacket. “Easy for you to say. I can’t just do big romantic declarations… I overthink way too much for that.” 

“Well, that’s where we’re here to help,” Vanessa chirped brightly. “Under-thinking is my specialty.”

“Do you think you’re ready to try?” Brooke asked gently. 

Jackie chewed on her lip and looked down. “I just… I’m scared,” she confessed. 

The girls nodded in understanding – neither of them could blame Jackie for her fear and apprehension. Both of them knew what it was like to have someone you’d risk everything for while having a terrible fear of the potential fallout. They knew how fortunate they were to have so clearly had mutual feelings from the beginning, but they hadn’t been free from a rocky start. And they had faith in Jan and Jackie, while neither could explain it, they had to see it through. 

“It’s okay to be scared,” Brooke assured. “So, we’re gonna get you through this.”

“Will you guys spend the night?” Jackie asked after a few beats of silence, long enough for her to be sure she wouldn’t start crying. “It’s getting kind of depressing, and drinking alone would be the thing to push it over the edge.” 

“You had us at drinking,” Vanessa joked, pleased to see it got a smile out of Jackie. “Don’t worry, we ain’t going nowhere.”


	8. Chapter 8

Jackie had recovered after the initial breakdown. She had the wherewithal to realize she might have overreacted a bit, but the emotions she felt, the hurt she had, it was real. And she was eternally grateful for Brooke Lynn and Vanessa for helping her through it.

But now she was left in limbo, in a purgatory of her creation. It was hard enough for her to admit to herself that she had developed romantic feelings for Jan, acting on them was a whole other story. And it frustrated the hell out of her. She’s smart. She’s articulate. If she had a point to make, everyone in the room would receive the message loud and clear. 

And yet, even thinking about Jan made her tongue-tied. She felt like she was back in high school with a hopeless crush. Though, she never had sex with any of her crushes. Further unlike past crushes, she knew she had to do something about it. She had spent a couple of days spitballing plans, either alone or with Brooke and Vanessa, but nothing seemed to be the one. 

“You know none of this would’ve happened if you just talked to her in the first place, right?” Jaida asked after having been caught up on her friend’s romantic turmoil. 

Jackie rolled her eyes and absentmindedly stirred her coffee as she spoke. “Yes, Jaida. I know none of this would’ve happened if I had been upfront with my feelings. Happy?”

“Admitting it is the first step,” she nodded simply. 

“Great,” she retorted flatly, then paused to sip from her mug. “Then what’s step two? That’s kind of where I’m stuck at.”

Jaida strummed her fingers against the table as she thought. “Have you talked to this Nicky girl? Not like in a catfight kinda way but just to get the tea on what’s happening between them or whatever.”

Jackie blinked, then furrowed her brows. She hadn’t thought of that at all – to an extent, it seemed like that would be a complete overstep and only make things worse. But on the other, it couldn’t hurt to simply clear the air, right? “You think it’ll help?” 

“I think it’s worth a shot. And if not, please make sure someone films the catfight, ‘cause I’d pay good money to see that shit.” 

Jackie had spent the better part of the day thinking about it, weighing out the pros and cons. She eventually came to the conclusion that Jaida was right, it was better to know where everyone stood before she made any moves with Jan. On top of that, she knew she had to act fast, the fear that if she didn’t, Jan could easily move on with Nicky if she wanted to. 

And the thought of that made Jackie’s heart ache - the thought that all of this emotional turmoil could be all for naught if Jan ended up choosing someone else. The worst part of that was knowing she would only have herself to blame if that happened. 

But all of her emotions had to fall to the wayside if she wanted to have a calm discussion with Nicky. Her heart was pounding as she approached her, though she did her damndest not to let it show. “Hey… It’s Nicky, right? You have a minute?”

“Oh, I should have seen this coming,” Nicky chuckled softly. “Of course I do. May I be so bold as to assume this is about Jan?” 

Jackie rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. She supposed she should have anticipated Nicky recognizing her and putting two and two together. “Well… Yes.”

Nicky shook her head as she sat down at the table, gesturing for Jackie to join her. “Before you ask, Jan and I are not dating. Our relationship is strictly sexy friendship. Don’t get me wrong, she’s lovely, but I have a strict ‘no dating before graduation’ policy. Personally, I don’t want anything getting in the way of a proper university life experience, if you know what I mean.”

Listening to Nicky was a lot more reassuring than Jackie had anticipated. She took solace in knowing this unfairly beautiful girl wasn’t a romantic rival. “So… You and Jan are friends with benefits, not dating, because you’re not interested in dating,” she nodded slowly. “But does she…” 

“Fancy me?” Nicky finished, then shook her head. “Not in that way. I think I am a comfort to her. And I do not mind that role. Plus, to be completely honest, I believe she has the feelings for you.” 

Jackie blinked rapidly, her heart skipping a beat and her brain momentarily short-circuiting. “You do? What, um, what makes you think that?” 

Nicky shrugged. “She wanted to make you jealous. To me, you only try to get that reaction out of someone you have romantic interest with,” she explained. “She tries not to talk about you often, but when she does… there is something there.” 

“Oh,” she cleared her suddenly dry throat, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “That’s good to know.” 

“At the risk of overstepping, though that’s never stopped me before, I think you should tell her,” she said. “Seems like you’ve got a lot to work out. Lot of messy feelings.” 

Jackie chuckled awkwardly. “You’re not the first person to say that. Not even the first person to say that today. Guess I really don’t have a choice, huh?” 

“You always have a choice,” Nicky replied. “But I think you know which one to make.”

### 

“You seem a lot more calm lately,” Gigi observed. “But distracted. What’s on your mind?” 

Jan shrugged, picking at her plate with her fork, pushing her food around and only occasionally taking a bite. “I don’t know… I tend to worry that maybe I’m putting too much focus on my romantic life. Everything else is going well, but it kind of feels like a house of cards, you know?” 

Gigi furrowed her brows. “It kind of sounds like you’re looking for something to worry about to avoid dealing with your actual problems.” 

“Maybe,” she sighed. “I’m just waiting for… I don’t know, some sort of sign.” Before she could say anything else, her phone went off. “That was a little too on the nose…”

Despite her suspicions, she asked, “Who is it?” 

Jan looked up from her phone. “It’s Jackie. She wants to know if I’m free tonight.” 

“Which you are,” Gigi pointedly interjected. 

She let out a dry laugh. “Which I am,” she confirmed and texted her back. “God, I hope we come away from this knowing where we stand with each other.” 

“What if she asks you to stop sleeping with Nicky? Didn’t this all start over her feeling some type of way about that situation?” 

Jan hesitated for a beat. “If she wants any say in who I sleep with, she’s gotta step up. You know, make an honest woman out of me.” 

Gigi tilted her head. “You want her to propose?” 

“No, no, but I can’t take the ambiguity anymore. Ask me out or cut me loose,” she took a deep breath. “Even if she doesn’t want me, I just need to know.” 

Her friend looked at her with a sincere concern, as well as some confusion. “Jan, do you actually think there’s a chance she doesn’t want you? After all of this?” 

Jan looked down, chewing on her lip. “I don’t know. Maybe I waited too long and she got over me. There’s only one way to find out, right?” 

There was, as far as she was concerned. So, Jan emotionally collected herself as much as she could as she prepared to see Jackie. She had showered and did her hair, put on something nice while trying not to look like she was trying too hard. In an odd way, it felt like she was getting ready for both a job interview and a first date while it was distinctly neither. 

She had to stop her hand from shaking as she knocked on Jackie’s door. She listened for Jackie’s footsteps to drown out her own heartbeat. This was her last chance to run, to avoid the confrontation for just a bit longer, to–

“Hey, Jan, come in.” 

Her voice brought Jan’s train of thought to a grinding halt and she nodded, following Jackie inside without a word, though she did allow herself to take a few deep, leveling breaths. 

Jackie sat down on the couch and waited for Jan to join her before speaking. “Listen, I don’t want you to think I went behind your back by doing this, but I talked to Nicky yesterday… Actually, she did most of the talking. But it was a good conversation nonetheless.” 

Jan’s brows knitted as she listened. She wondered if that was why she hadn’t heard from Nicky today – she had merely assumed she was busy. “So you guys talked… Am I safe in assuming this has to do with us?” 

“Well, yes,” Jackie rubbed the back of her neck and cleared her throat. “Jan, I…” Suddenly, everything she had prepared to say disappeared from her mind, a blank space in its place. There was a beat of hesitation before she decided to just speak from her heart. “I’ve been so fucking stupid. I’ve been driving myself crazy with guilt and fear and denial when I should’ve just been honest from the beginning.” 

Jan swallowed thickly and leaned closer, nodding and gesturing for her to continue. “Being honest how?” 

Jackie gently took Jan’s hand, looking her in the eye. “I should’ve just admitted how much I like you as soon as I realized it. How much I hated when you didn’t spend the night because I loved waking up to you in the morning. I should’ve just told you I was jealous of Nicky and asked you out instead of pushing you away and towards her.” She didn’t realize just how fast she had been talking until she paused to catch her breath. “What I’m trying to say is… I’m crazy about you, Jan. I want to be with you and– are you… Jan, are you crying?” 

“No,” Jan blinked rapidly – she had spent far too long on her makeup to let any tears ruin it. “I’m fine, I just… I didn’t realize how much of a relief it’d be to finally hear you say that,” she admitted. Once she had collected herself, she moved closer to Jackie and cupped her face, placing a deep kiss to her lips. “I’m yours as long as you’ll have me.” 

Jackie felt her whole body relax. She gingerly raked her fingers through Jan’s hair as she reciprocated the kiss, then rest their foreheads together. “Good, because I’m not letting you go any time soon.” 

The two of them sat in blissful silence for a few moments, until Jan broke it. “What happens now?” 

“Whatever we want, I suppose,” she shrugged, laying back on the couch and pulling Jan on top of her. “We don’t have anything else to do, anywhere else to be, we can just be with each other.”

Jan smiled and laid comfortably on top of Jackie. “I like the sound of that,” she told her as she pressed kisses along her jaw. “But at the same time, why stop at just being?”

Jackie arched her brow, resting her hand on the back of Jan’s head and craning her neck, allowing Jan more access as her lips traveled down. “Oh? What exactly are you implying, sweetheart?” 

“I’m implying that we should consummate our relationship. You know, make it official. Bang.”

“Isn’t consummating when you do it for the first time?” Jackie asked. “Nevermind, not the point, killing the mood. Yes, let’s have sex. Bang.”

Jan giggled. “You know, I never specifically found the whole nerdy thing so sexy before you,” she mused, kissing and leaving hickies along Jackie’s neck, pausing only to take her shirt off. “You’ve just changed me, Jackie.”

Jackie rolled her eyes fondly. “Shut up.” She waited for Jan to take a break from marking her neck up to kiss her properly, to hold her tight as their tongues tangled and their hands roamed each other’s bodies. They were eager and haphazard in stripping each other, nearly falling off of the couch at a few points. 

When they finally got themselves together, Jan was on top with her head between Jackie’s thighs and Jackie’s head between hers. Once in position, for a turn of phrase, everything fell into place. They held onto each other tightly, competing with each other to elicit louder moans, to make the other’s body tremble harder. Their tongues and fingers thrusted steadily, firmly, only to slowly become erratic when both girls got closer to finishing.

Jan ended up coming first, much to Jackie’s smug satisfaction. But she was as determined as ever to get Jackie off as well, and she did follow suit not long after. 

The two of them laid contently in the post-coital haze. Jan turned herself around to rest her head on Jackie’s chest, rising and falling with her deep breaths. “It felt different this time,” she admitted quietly, “it was like my body felt more awake.”

Jackie gently rubbed Jan’s back, nodding as she listened. “I think I know what you mean. It was more intense, like we got to connect more, not just in the literal sense, of course.”

“Of course,” Jan echoed with a soft laugh, then glanced down for a moment. “So, this seals the deal? We’re girlfriends now?” 

Jackie didn’t mean to giggle, but she couldn’t help it with how overwhelmingly cute it was. In the past hour, she had professed her feelings for Jan, then had sex with her, and Jan still wanted to hear that reassurance, to know just how wanted she was, and that there was no way to misunderstand it. “Yes, Jan. We are unquestionably girlfriends now,” she assured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You’re stuck with me now.” 

“My dear Jackie, there’s no one else I would rather be stuck with,” Jan cooed.

### 

“She’ll be ready for you in about ten minutes, you can go ahead and sit down in the meantime.”

“Thank you,” Brooke smiled politely at the receptionist before she and Vanessa took their seats on one of the couches in the spotlessly clean waiting room. She let out a deep breath, closing her eyes for a brief moment, then opening them to look at her wife. “Are you nervous?” 

Vanessa chewed on her lip and swung her legs. “Kinda, yeah. But mostly excited, you know? Actually lookin’ through potential kids, possibly picking one to meet, one that could be ours, it’s a lot to let sink in.” 

Brooke offered a reassuring smile and wrapped her arm around Vanessa. “I know, it doesn’t even fully feel real yet. It might not until we actually have the kid in front of us. But I think we’ll know when it’s right, and it will have all been worth it.” 

Vanessa rested her head on Brooke’s shoulder. “You’re gonna be such a good mommy.” 

“So are you, baby,” she cooed and pressed a kiss to her head. She looked down when she heard her phone go off. “Oh, Jackie texted me.”

“More Jan problems?” 

Brooke read the text, a bright smile taking over her face. “Actually, I think it’s the opposite of a problem. She said she and Jan talked things out yesterday and, I quote ‘among other things, winky face’, and now they’re in a relationship.”

Vanessa sat upright, eyes wide. “No shit, they finally worked their drama out, huh? Jan ain’t fucking the French girl no more either?”

“Apparently not,” she chuckled, sending Jackie a congratulatory text before putting her phone away. “I’m so happy for them. I feel like we need to get them a cake or something.” 

“Vanessa? Brooke Lynn?” The receptionist pulled them from their conversation. “You guys can go down the hall to room 402.” 

The couple stood up and said ‘thank you’ in unison, then made their way down the hall. The room they entered almost resembled a principal’s office. There was a teacher’s desk and two chairs, and the shelves and walls were adorned with various awards and group photos with children who, they assumed, had been through this agency. 

The woman sitting at the desk seemed kind and happy to see them and gestured them in. “You must be Mrs. and Mrs. Hytes-Mateo, my name is Alisha. I’ve gone over your file and I’m excited to be working with you two.”

“Thank you, everyone has been so helpful so far and we’re really looking forward to taking the next step,” Brooke replied. 

“Wonderful, now, based on your profiles and what we have on record so far, we have a few possible matches I’d like for you ladies to look at,” she said, taking a small stack of folders off the side of her desk and setting it in front for the two of them to look through. 

What followed was several minutes of the two of them going back and forth between folders, discussing pros and cons, picturing how the different children would fit into their world. There were little things that withdrew some from the adoption pool – one was allergic to cats, another needed to live on the ground floor, things they’d taken into consideration, but not necessarily thought of mentioning. 

But then Vanessa suddenly stopped, grabbing Brooke’s wrist to get her attention. “Boo, this is it. I just know it,” she pushed one of the folders into the center. “It’s her, she’s the one,” she insisted.

Brooke looked through the file, reading the information carefully, then looked at Vanessa with a smile. “Vanjie, baby, I think you are absolutely right.” She then redirected her attention to Alisha. “So, how do we put the wheels in motion?” 

Alisha offered a warm smile and gestured for her to return the file. “Well, let’s see who you two settled on and we’ll get started.”


End file.
